FertilehealthyAiming for success, not perfection…

I have two big announcements to make today…

After my post on Sunday about putting baby-making on hold for a while so that I can settle into my new job, Craig and I retired to the couch for some Sunday evening reading and relaxation.  It had been a busy day – the in-laws had come over for a braai and the men had played touch-rugby and soccer with dog and nieces, and I had catered for everybody.  So, we were happy to kick back and relax.

Suddenly it dawned on me that we wouldn’t be able to do that if we had a baby, or a toddler, or even a school-age child.  And in a blinding flash of insight, I realized that I was quite content, nay happy, without children in my life.

With that realization a huge weight just fell off me.  I suddenly felt incredibly free.  Up to that moment I had no idea how my perception of being incomplete without a child had weighed me down.  It was literally sucking the life out of me.

I find it quite poetic that this happened after my fertility had been restored.  I’m not making peace with the fact that I can’t have children, I’m choosing not to have children.  For me that’s an important distinction.  Everybody deserves a choice.

Does this mean that I’d been deluding myself all these years when I yearned to be a mother?  Not at all!  I really, really wanted kids and I would have been a great mother.  But I think that the moment passed.  We’re over 40 and we enjoy our life together.  I don’t think we have the sustained energy anymore to raise a child.  A child will not bring us closer (in fact, according to this thought-provoking article, which I only saw this morning, it will probably add a lot of stress to our lives).

So, what is the downside to this choice?  I know that I will always feel a twinge of sadness alongside the  joy when someone I know has a new baby.  I will often wonder what it would have felt like to carry a baby under my heart for nine months.  It will take a while before I stop evaluating names for possible future use. Some may call me selfish, but so be it.

On the upside, I can stay right here in my house, which is ideal for a couple and not so much for a young family.  I can enjoy my career and blog, read, sleep, etc without feeling torn.  I can save loads of money.  And to be honest, not having a child may be the most environmentally friendly, green, thing anyone can ever do.  (These are not my reasons, but they are fringe-benefits).

So, am I sorry that I went to all that trouble to restore my fertility?  Hell no!  Remember, the factors that prevented me from getting pregnant were also responsible for insane, painful periods, during which I could barely leave the house.  Healing my body was always the right thing to do.  We will use Toni Weschler’s Taking Charge of Your Fertility (natural birth control method) – there is no way I’m opting for anything that can mess up my hormones again!  It’s all about balance, after all.

And on that note, I think it’s time for the second announcement:

After three years I believe that I’ve reached the end of the road on this blog.  My life is taking a different direction and I felt the need for a whole new creative outlet.  So, this will be my last post here, but please follow me to my new home…

ORDINARY ABUNDANCE

… for the next leg of my journey through life.  And thank you for your loyal support through the years!

Have you ever felt that you are exactly where you need to be at a specific moment in time?

I feel that way right now.  It’s like finally spotting land after a long and arduous sea voyage.

Yes, I’m talking about getting this job, but it goes much deeper, or further, than that.

There are some challenges in the job itself that I would not  be able to handle had I not spent the last three years getting to know myself and, for lack of a better description, finally growing up.

Had I not taken the contract position, I would not have had the confidence to even go for this job.  Had I agreed to extend my contract, I would not have been able to take this one.

I am healthier now than I’ve been in years, thanks to healthy living. Last year I would not have been physically able to do this, as I was suffering from various ailments, including adrenal exhaustion.  The right person arrived on the scene at the right time to help me overcome those problems and enable me to take charge of my life again.

I am settled in my marriage and my new home.

And then I get a position that I visualized and described in detail long before it appeared on the horizon.

Perfect!

But, you may ask, what about getting pregnant and having a baby?  Wasn’t that the plan?

Well yes, but as Oprah so wisely said, you CAN have everything – just not at the same time.  To be fair to the company (and myself), I’m going to put the baby-making on the back-burner for now.

We need the second income, since we’re struggling to make ends meet in this recession. The salary I’ll be getting will certainly transform our lives, but it will also allow us to build our savings up again.

But more than that, I need to do this for myself.  I need the challenge – not only in the job itself, but in making my life work while working.  I feel absolutely driven to do this.

There is no doubt that a pregnancy, especially a first pregnancy at 40+ years old, is much more risky when the mother-to-be is morbidly obese and rather unfit.  So, it is in my best interest, as well as in my future baby’s, to lose weight and get fit.  The best thing we can give our children is a good, healthy start in life with healthy cells and genes.

Four months ago when I started the contract position I virtually checked out of my life for the duration.  I kept telling myself that it was only for three months and that I would get it together again afterward.  It will NOT happen this time.  This is not a detour on my path – it IS the path.  Yes, there will no doubt be days that I will feel overwhelmed, but I plan to walk this path consciously, giving my best not only to my employers, but also to my husband, pets, blog and most importantly, myself.

As for the baby, it might have to be a surprise goal in extra time… but I believe that it will arrive one day.

Sometimes we get really caught up what other people in the blogging world are doing.  We see how their lives are changed and we clamor to adopt their ways.  Not surprisingly, we find that hoeing other people’s furrows can be exhausting and difficult to maintain.  Yes, we may experience the benefits, but we may also be struggling in the process.

I believe in a plant-based diet.  I’ve been convinced  by the research that our health suffers because of our over-consumption of animal products, the environment suffers because of the greenhouse gasses and the need for ever more water and land that animal farming generates and my gut tells me it’s wrong to treat animals the way CAFO’s  (Confined Animal Feeding Operations – whatever happened to farms?) are treating them.

I even love eating mostly plants.  I love how it makes me feel, sleep and smell.  I will gladly campaign for more vegetarian restaurant options.

I applaud vegans and vegetarians.  I just wish I could be one of them.  I’ve tried.  Lord knows I have.  But once in a while, usually when out and about or dining with friends and family, I love something meaty or fishy. I don’t want to worry about whether something is vegan (beer is not, most wines aren’t, honey isn’t, Worcestershire sauce isn’t) or not.

And I’m done feeling guilty about that.  Having something of animal origin once or twice per week is not going to ruin my health.  It would be different if I had a serious illness (like cancer or heart disease) and were trying to heal from that.  Even Mary-Ann Shearer, my guru (who doesn’t eat any meat) says that 1-2 times per week is all right.

Obviously it makes sense to ensure that anything of animal origin I eat is grass-fed, organic and free-range.  And if it’s only once or twice per week, you’re still following a plant-based diet.

I love how this guy (Graham Hill – founder of Treehugger) puts it.  (You may have to click through to watch the video – he’s very good!)

The same can be said for raw food.  I love raw food and I believe that our bodies need lots of it.  I also believe that it’s possible (and healthy) to live exclusively off raw food.  The only problem is that I like cooked food too.  So, instead of eating 100% raw, like many are happily doing, I am quite content with about 75+% raw.  Some days might go up to 90%, but some days may only be 50%.  I’m okay with that.

So that’s me.  Not perfect.  But perfectly all right and perfectly happy for now.

In which way have you adapted your eating habits to get the best of both worlds?

I feel on top of the world right now! No, I haven’t lost 20 pounds overnight, or won the Lottery.  I just made a lot of progress this past week by overcoming some emotional hurdles that have been preventing me from moving forward.

I feel light and free.

Suddenly success seems possible and probable.  Not only in the area of  health and weight loss, but even in other areas of my life.  Something significant has shifted.

I was also reminded of how powerful the Law of Attraction really is.  When I left my contract position with no prospects in sight (and I had been asked to stay on for two more months, but I didn’t want to), I said that my ideal job would be to work for a small boutique hotel or inn, preferably in the Winelands.  It had to be west or north of Stellenbosh though, for easy access.  I didn’t want to have to go through the congested university town. I wouldn’t even mind doing the whole accounting function, from processing through to balance sheet (in a big hotel the Financial Manager supervises the Accounts staff, attends meetings and has to do all the crappy stuff like insurance and analysis, while the staff get to do all the actual accounting – the fun part!).  I even had a salary in mind.

I put it all out there and for the first week or two after finishing my contract I scoured the papers for possible positions, mostly outside the hotel industry.  Then I made a conscious decision to stop looking for something that I didn’t really want and trust that my contacts in the industry will come through for me.  And lo and behold, this week the same recruiter that got me the contract position phoned and asked if she could forward my resume for a position – a small five-star boutique hotel on a wine farm west of Stellenbosh.  I thought about it for a micro-second before saying yes.

Yesterday I ventured out for an interview.  It was great fun and lasted 90 minutes.  And I walked away from there wanting this job with all my heart.  I’m sure it’s mine! It’s everything I’ve wanted – the very job I put out there, salary and all – and more.

And the bonus about this job is that I have to drive past the farm where my parents live to get there, so I can rope them in to help make my life easier.  I mean, my mom does grocery shopping twice a week.  Surely she can do my grocery shopping too and I can pick it up on the way home?  She knows what we eat, since they eat pretty much the same kinds of food.  And when she cooks a pot of soup, or a vegetable stew, why not make enough so that I can take some home for supper?  I will obviously pay for her services, but it would take a huge load of my shoulders.

My mind is going a mile a minute trying to organize my life so as not to fall in the same pitfalls as last time.  But I’m not the same Hanlie as four months ago either.  I’ve learned a lot along the way and I know that I can make this work out so that my health and my sanity emotional well-being don’t get trampled.

So, dear friends, please join me in collectively believing this job to be mine!  I should get confirmation early next week, since they would want me to start quite soon.  Being almost immediately available is of course hugely in my favor.

Also, I have been struggling to get hold of my prospective cleaning lady, who I need to start coming this week, so that we can iron out any problems and she can iron my clothes…  Let’s hope I can reach her.

In other news, I joined the 21st century this week by getting a BlackBerry.  It really does make life easier.

And if you’re wondering why you see a different theme every time you visit here, let me tell you.  With the last WordPress upgrade I had to upgrade my theme too and the customizations got lost.  I’ve been so busy this week, mostly with Maggie, that I haven’t had a chance to refresh my memory about html and css and start customizing from scratch again.  So I downloaded some free themes and will rotate them until I find one I can live with for a while.  After all, I don’t wear the same clothes every day.  Why should my blog?

As for Maggie, she’s a handful and needs lots of attention, which I’m happy to provide.  Puppy school is really benefiting her (and me) and we are making great progress.  She and the cats are still struggling to make the other understand that their way of playing is in fact play and not confrontation.  When my cats play with one another they strike with their paws.  Maggie, quite understandably, finds this painful and aggressive.  Her way of play involves growling and giving chase, which the cats find quite scary.  Sigh.  They are all intensely interested in one another though.

I’m really enjoying the Soccer World Cup matches and the eye-candy they provide.  I may be 40, but I still have eyes, you know!

So, life is good!  What is making you happy right now?

What separates the winners from the losers?  In business and sport that question is often answered by studying the people who have been successful and learning their secrets.

The weight loss blogging community is no different.  There are hundreds of ex-fatties who have lost weight and maintained their losses.  It finally dawned on me that I should determine the secret to their success.

Do they have super-human willpower?  Did something just “click” for them and away they were?  Or did all the obstacles in their path just magically disappear?  All of the above?

I just realized that I’ve always entertained the notion that these three factors, or a combination of them, were the key to weight loss success.

Which of course is why I haven’t been successful.   I had all these obstacles to contend with!

-  It’s either too hot, too cold, too windy or about to rain, so I can’t go for a walk.

-  I’m too tired to cook, shop, chop vegetables or exercise.

-  Another family birthday coming up (my family keep having these – inconsiderate gits!)

-  The dog ate my recipe book.

-  Money is tight at the moment.

-  My car is in for a service.

-  I can’t find my gym card.

-  I was too tired to wake up in time for my gym class.

-  I’m really stressed/angry/unhappy/depressed right now.

-  I need to have my legs waxed before going to the pool.

-  I’m overwhelmed by all my responsibilities and can’t think about that now.

-  The moon is in Scorpio.

-  Aunt Thelma/Michael Jackson died.

-  My Garmin, iPod, blender, leg or heart is broken.

-  It’s too hard!

-  Now is not a good time for me…

Sound familiar?  I’m not taking a shot at anybody here.  These are real problems.

There’s a name for these problems…  It’s called LIFE.

The winners, the ones who successfully changed their lifestyles and  habits, got fit and lost weight, had to contend with them too!  It wasn’t any easier for them than it’s been for me. Nobody got a free pass.

It takes commitment and the ability to adapt.

What made me think about this was the fact that I’m struggling to drink much water at the moment.  It’s cold, dammit!  We have relatively mild winters here in Cape Town, so our houses aren’t heated.  Yes, we have a portable heater (somewhere in the garage) and and a fireplace, but I still find myself wearing 5 layers of clothing indoors during a cold spell.

So, I’m just not getting to even the bare minimum of eight glasses of water a day.  That prompted me to go in full “excuse-mode” for a moment.  Then I stopped myself.  Who says the water has to be cold?  I’ve been drinking warm water with lemon first thing in the morning for years…  Why can’t I just drink it all through the day?

Ping!

Make a plan, Hanlie!  Instead of throwing your hands in the air and saying, “I can’t do it”, find a way to do it.  So I did.

I feel so empowered right now.  It’s not about the water, but about realizing that there will always be a solution, or a Plan B, if I care to look for it.  Because let’s face it, there will always be obstacles.

And I’m going to overcome them.