Thank you for the amazing comments and compliments you’ve been showering on me! I feel so happy and blessed. It’s all good and healthy here in my world in the moment. I am light and unencumbered.

I was fooling around with the webcam and took some pictures. Positioning the camera was quite tricky initially… that is a look of concentration, not constipation!

At last, a smile!

Craig was lying on the bed reading, but decided to get in on the act and the result is this lovely picture!

I’m sorry I’ve been so scarce (on your blogs and mine!), but there are exciting things happening over here and I’m busy, busy, busy. I’ll let the cat out of the bag tomorrow…

I’ve walked about 5000 steps so far today and ended the day yesterday on just under 6000. A slowish start, but it all adds up!

Looking back at those pictures, I have a big favor to ask you guys… I need advice! What should I do with my hair? Grow it? Cut it? Blow dry it? It just looks a bit sad and flat like that, don’t you think? I need a hair intervention!

Guess what! I ended my Juice Feast yesterday, after 80 days! It’s all over, folks!

I’d been struggling for a while and after listening to Michelle’s audio about self-sabotage on Saturday night, I had a lot to think about. While there were only twelve days left to the “official” finish line, I was not enjoying juice feasting anymore and I believe that once I’d reached that point, there was no benefit in continuing. Life is about living and we need to do it joyfully. Juice feasting is not a punishment, but if you’re doing it because you “have to”, then you’re (a) not listening to your own body, (b) missing your joy and (c) standing in the way of your own progress.

So, by the time I got up yesterday morning I had made my decision. Of course, one doesn’t just stop drinking juice and dig into a plate of food. The feast breaking is an important step and, since my digestive system has been doing other things for 80 days, foods need to introduced slowly and wisely.

So, off to the grocery store we went for some prunes (dried plums). I let them soak in water all day and in the early evening I drank the soak water and bit into my first solid food. It was… nice. I’ve been drinking juice today and will have some more prunes tonight. Tomorrow I get to eat fruit (yay!) and I’m definitely going to have a green smoothie! By Wednesday I’ll be having salad!

The only thing I’m sorry about is that I didn’t take pictures yesterday. We were out on my folks’ farm and I wore the same clothes that I wore in my fat photo’s, so the comparison would have been meaningful. Not that I’m that much thinner. I weighed in this morning - my official post juice feast weigh in:

Starting weight: 157 kg (345.4 pounds)
Current weight: 136.1 kg (299.4 pounds)
Loss: 20.9 kg (46 pounds)

That means that I have left the 300’s behind! That is awesome! I can’t begin to describe how pleased I am about that!

My sister said yesterday that I looked “fabulous”. I feel fabulous, even though I don’t think the weight loss is that apparent. I’m still wearing the same clothes, although they’re much looser. There is still a lot of work to be done, but it was an amazing kickstart and my body is clean and mostly free of toxins. I will be posting extensively about my post-juice feast diet in the weeks to come and believe me, I’m not about to start piling in the toxins again!

Very high on my agenda is physical exercise. I appropriated my sister’s pedometer yesterday, figuring it’s not helping her if it’s lying in a drawer. This morning I walked to the grocery store, which earned me about 5000 steps. I realize that I’m going to have to do better than that, but my legs are quite stiff, since I’ve been sitting on my butt for two months, so I’ll take it slowly. Michelle has challenged me to go back to gym and I’ve committed to going from Wednesday. Hello aqua aerobics and pilates! I also have a free assessment available to me and am going to ask for a weight training program. In due time I’ll be getting on the treadmill as well to ensure 10000 steps daily (since my grocery runs may not take place on foot once the winter rains start coming down). So, I see less computer time and more gym time in my future.

I will continue brushing my body and taking contrast showers regularly, as well as doing the odd enema.

Which reminds me… If you’re wondering how my body coped with the solids, rest assured. My digestive system is working like a newly serviced car and I had a very satisfying bowel movement this morning. That concludes the poop report!

I am happy, proud of my accomplishment and pleased with how well my body responded. Juice Feasting has been amazing. I have learned so much about myself and my body. I am so grateful to David and Katrina Rainoshek, the King and Queen of Juice Feasting, for their vast knowledge and experience. I couldn’t have done this without my fellow juice feasters Ben, Lisa and Penni who were always ready with a word of encouragement and a shared experience. Finally, my wonderful friend Michelle, who has been an amazing inspiration through all of this. And without collusion, totally independantly from one another, but obviously connected through the cosmos, we chose to end our juice feasts on the same day! Happy eating, Michelle!

In the days to come, I will share some of the lessons I’ve learned over these 80 days and how I believe Juice Feasting has changed me. I think I’ve been Around The Universe In 80 Days! And you know what? I like that it’s a round number. If you recall, on Day 40 I wrote about the significance of the number 40. It’s the Biblical number of trial and testing. The Israelites wandered in the desert for 40 years. Jesus was tempted by Satan for 40 days. In Noah’s time it rained 40 days and 40 nights. Two times 40 to me signifies twice the trial and testing and I am well pleased with how I’ve completed this task.

Thank you, everybody, or your support and for cheering me on!

The journey continues…

I realize that there are so many new readers who don’t know what juice feasting is and why I’m doing it, so I thought I’d do a little recap and fill you in.

What is Juice Feasting?

Juice Feasting is a powerful detoxification program in which one drinks upwards of 4 liters (4 quarts) of freshly extracted fruit and vegetable juices daily. This gives you ample calories to continue with your daily routine, which most other detoxes (including juice fasts) don’t. By not having to digest anything, the digestive system enjoys a well-earned rest and the chance to clear out completely and even heal. Most of the body’s energy is used for digestion and during a juice feast, this energy becomes available for detoxification and healing.

Do you have to drink specific juices?

It is recommended that you consume more vegetable juices than fruit juices. You have to consume the juice of lots of green leafy vegetables every day, as well as at least one head of celery and one cucumber. The idea is to listen to your body. We go through stages during our juice feast when we crave different juices. In the beginning I had to have tomatoes in my green juices. For the last few weeks I’ve been on a major citrus kick - I still am, in fact!

Don’t you get hungry or crave food?

I got hungry for the first day or two. Then I got used to only drinking juice. Now when I get hungry, I know that I must have more juice. As for food cravings, I’ve had it all! I have had to restrain myself from throwing myself onto the bread table in the supermarket on more than one occasion. But even the cravings have changed. My mouth is watering for an avocado pear now. Or a kiwi fruit. During this juice feast I have catered for my dad’s 70′th birthday party, had friends over for dinner and attended a few barbeques. I didn’t feel uncomfortable or left out at all. I didn’t even miss the wine, and I used to love wine!

What does a typical day look like?

- 500 ml Herbal Fiberblend (a natural formula that cleanses and heals the colon - an AIM product)
- 500 ml warm water, MSM (a natural sulphur compound) and lemon juice
- 500 ml warm water, cayenne pepper and lemon juice
- 500 ml Barleylife (juice of organically grown sprouted barley - an AIM product)
- 1 liter fruit juice
- 1 liter carrot juice (with apple, or beetroot)
- 2 liters green vegetable juice, usually with some citrus
- occasionally a cup of rooibos or chai tea
- flaxseed oil
- Para 90 (parasite cleansing formula)

Furthermore the following are recommended:

- daily exercise
- body brushing
- contrast showers
- enemas

How has the detox been?

Mostly okay! My tongue was coated for about the first 40 days or so, and I was always cold. My digestive tract cleansed quite aggressively and the first few days my bladder worked overtime! I’ve had strange and vivid dreams, headaches, body aches and a dreadful flu. My skin has broken out a few times and some days I’ve felt quite weepy. After 70 days I am still having regular solid bowel movements, which means that there is still cleansing going on. My liver cleanse was quite intense and I passed a good number of gallstones. The parasite cleanse has been largely uneventful so far.

Why am I doing it?

I am a binge-eater and I needed to break that cycle. Juice feasting has done that for me. It has been an incredible journey of discovery, because I have had to face and deal with my emotions instead of medicating them with food, booze and cigarettes (I quit smoking on 1 January 2008). Having said that, I know that I’m not done yet, because I have managed to suppress a whole lot of stuff, but I’ll get there!

I believe in the body’s ability to heal itself and am convinced that the best diet for our own health and the health of the planet is a natural, whole food diet that it is mostly raw and almost entirely vegan. I have tried to adopt this in the past, but my bingeing would derail me. I think Juice Feasting has cured me of that!

I have been obese for 13 years and have tried on and off to conceive a child for more than 10 years. I will be 39 this year, so time is running out for me. Therefore I need to heal my body and balance my hormones. I believe that juice feasting is doing that.

The fact that I’ve lost over 40 pounds so far is a wonderful bonus. Juice feasting is not a diet, but it’s a great way to kickstart weight loss and prepare for conception.

My husband is already following The Natural Way lifestyle and I will join him after my juice feast.

If you want to learn more about Juice Feasting, visit their website.

Today is Day 70 of my Juice Feast and I’m still going strong. The detoxification symptoms come and go and after each “round” I feel better and stronger than ever before. So I thought I’d share thirteen positive changes in my body after 70 days.

1. I’ve lost close to 42 pounds. Nice! Yesterday I was wearing jeans and I could pull them down without undoing them!

2. My nails are stronger and grow faster than ever before in my life. I think my hair is also growing faster! I’ve decided to let the hair grow for a bit…

3. The skin on my body is incredibly soft and supple. I’ve lost all the skin tags (little flaps) and don’t need to use lotion anymore.

4. My eyes are clear and bright. The patterns in the irises have changed so much in the last 70 days!

5. I have no mucous in my body. My sinuses and chest are clear. I didn’t have a big problem before, but I would have to blow my nose once or twice a day. Not anymore.

6. The last two menstrual cycles I have suffered no PMS whatsoever and my periods were light, healthy and symptom-free.

7. The skin on my face is glowing and blemish free. I do get the occasional pimple from detoxing, but the broken veins, blackheads and milia are all gone. Furthermore, my wrinkles have smoothed out and I don’t have bags under my eyes anymore. I no longer use toxic skin products, only a dab of pure coconut oil every once in a while.

8. The skin on my hands has healed. I still get the occasional outbreak, also part of healing, but the underlying skin is healthy and new. It hasn’t been this good since 1995!

9. My heels are soft and smooth. This is the best they’ve been in many, many years!

10. I hardly ever use deodorant anymore and when I do it’s a natural crystal stick. My bottles of perfume are also gathering dust… My body odour is pleasant and natural.

11. The broken veins on my legs have all but disappeared. When I realized that, I checked on the popped vein just above my right ankle, which I’d had for at least 25 years! Gone! Poof! This is probably due to the cayenne pepper I take every day. Wonderful stuff!

12. My sense of taste has changed dramatically. In the beginning of the juice feast I was drinking far more complex juices, with added ginger, cinnamon, chilis, garlic, etc. Now I prefer simpler juices that really allow the subtle flavours of the produce to come through. Our taste buds are so numbed by commercial foods!

13. I am so much more connected to my body. I realize when it’s hungry, thirsty, tired, warm or cold. I appreciate its intricate processes and am absolutely in awe of its responsiveness to good care. I love my body!

Juice feasting has been the most incredible and rewarding thing I’ve ever done in my life! These are just outward improvements - can you imagine what’s happened to the cells and tissues inside my body?

I haven’t done one of these in a while!  I kind of missed it.  It gives me the opportunity to think back on my week (in this case three weeks!) and respond to some of the questions and comments. 

Did you all participate in Earth Hour last weekend?  It did not get an enthusiastic response in South Africa, since we are still suffering from rolling blackouts for two hours at a time several times per week, wreaking havoc with the economy, traffic and just about everything else.  The other evening the power went off at 8pm and Craig and I jumped into the jacuzzi, since it was a beautiful evening.  When we got out about an hour later, I was holding the flashlight while he put the covers back on and as I stepped backwards, I fell off the little “bridge” to the jacuzzi.  Into the beaugainvillea and a rosebush.  With my bare flesh.  I guess you can say that I’m ripped… to shreds!  It’s not that bad,  but I did twist my ankle, which is scary because I’ve had both my ankles in plaster before from bad sprains.  But I iced it, and am only limping slightly now.  I look as if I’ve been dragged through a bush, because I have been dragged through a bush!

Pattie did a wonderful post about exercise and inspired me to the extent that I grandiosely promised to get myself back to gym the very next day.  Well, um, I didn’t.  But you know what, I’m going to do an emotional root canal to find out why I’m resisting exercise at this point.  I mean, I loved how my body responded when I started working out earlier this year.  I was doing so well, until I got flu and now it’s been more than a month since I’ve done anything remotely physical.  I am resisting to the extent that I will rather injure my ankle than go to gym.  There’s something more going on here and I’m going to have to take some time out and investigate…

I’m still enjoying juice feasting, but the same thing that is preventing me from exercising is also preventing me from “experiencing” my juice feast.  I am in effect still not allowing my old, toxic emotions to surface and with it I’m holding on to a lot of physical toxins.  Everything has slowed down - releasing toxins, weight and emotional garbage.  While my body is obviously benefiting from the juicing, I’m not even scratching the surface of what can be…  And I have to overcome that fear!  I have to start letting go…  but of course it’s easier to keep busy (especially when you’re building a website) and not find time for yourself.  The scene is set, I just need to make an entrance into my own life and juice feast.

Thank you all for the nice comments about the new template for this blog.   I feel very comfortable with it and I love the wide text area.   I think it’s a keeper!

Cherry Dolphin asked about waxing - whether I do full or half leg.  I do from my toes to just above the knee.  Yup, I’ve got hairy toes!  I get a terribly itchy rash from shaving and I don’t like hair removal creams, so waxing is the best thing for me.  I also wax my eyebrows and now my armpits.   Sure it hurts, but it’s over quickly and I make sure not to do it just before or during my period, when the skin is more sensitive. 

Speaking of which, I currently have my period, and it’s a breeze again. That alone makes juice feasting worth it! And I know my hormones are getting more and more balanced every day…

Felicia wanted to know how you hang on when riding an ostrich. Well, you hook your legs over his thighs (which are situated close to the body, under the wings - think of the anatomy of a chicken) and you hold onto the front of the wings, while leaning back. For steering you pull the neck to the sides and to stop you pull the neck back, like a handbrake (the ostrich’s neck - not yours!). It’s stops pretty sharpish, so you have to make sure that your weight is to the back of the bird in order to slide off the back and land on your feet, or you’ll end up falling over forward. It’s great fun! Not very elegant, though!

Elize has a question about Vitamin A and carrot juice while pregnant or trying to conceive. We all read that we should not supplement with Vitamin A during those times because it can cause birth defects. There is a huge difference between supplements and food. Supplements, unless they are whole foods (like powdered juices or cold-pressed oils) are synthetic and harmful to the body. You don’t want to ingest those at any time, but especially not when ttc or pregnant. What you do want to do is eat a healthy diet with lots of fresh, raw fruit and vegetables. You should most definitely include the three colours in your diet most days - orange/yellow (carrots, mangoes - beta carotene), red (beetroot - high in iron and helps cleanse the liver) and especially green (spinach, kale, celery, romaine, chard, broccoli - these will also meet your folic acid needs). You will greatly benefit from a glass of carrot juice a few times per week while pregnant. Don’t overdo it, because you don’t want to go into detox mode.

But when preparing for pregnancy, you should detox your body. I believe that a lot of fertililty problems will be averted if we take up to six months to prepare our bodies before trying to conceive. The state of your health is an indication of what is going on at a cellular level in your body and your child will be made up of those cells. It’s in your child’s best interest to cleanse, detox and build some healthy cells!

I have the following problems with supplements:

- they are unnatural substances and are therefore perceived as toxic in the body (they all have side-effects)
 - their absorption rate is poor (about 8-10%), which means that you’re peeing away more than $9 out of every $10 you spend
- science doesn’t have the whole picture yet and I doubt they ever will. There are many substances in fresh whole foods that haven’t even been discovered yet. They help to make the other stuff that have been identified, like the vitamins and minerals, work properly and in the right ratios. You can’t reproduce that, especially if you don’t even know what you’re leaving out.

That is why I avoid all “enriched” foods with “added vitamins”. My body doesn’t want vitamins or minerals, it wants foods that are naturally rich in all the nutrients it needs, even the ones that I don’t know about and it wants me to avoid the foods that rob me of those nutrients! My body needs live foods to sustain and bring forth life.

Thank you again everybody for the overwhelming support and kindness I get from you every day! I love your participation and I love visiting your blogs! See you soon!

About the picture:

Pretoria, the capital of South Africa, is also known as “Jacaranda City”.  Every year in the spring the jacarandas bloom and the sidewalks become carpets of fallen purple flowers.  Photo uploaded to Flickr by giovanni paccaloni.

I love carrot juice and have lately had a liter almost every day, usually mixed with some apple, pear or cucumber.

Dr Norman Walker, who found healing and long life in freshly made vegetable juices, has this to say about carrot juice.

Carrot juice is one of the richest sources of Vitamin A and Beta-Carotene. These nutrients are needed for a variety of functions in their original source together with known (such as Vitamins, B, C, D, and K as well as a host of minerals such as calcium, potassium and magnesium) and unknown nutrients.

Carrot juice is very rich in the alkaline minerals mentioned above as well as iron, phosphorous, sulphur and calcium. Carrot juice has an alkaline effect on the bloodstream. The calcium in carrot juice is more beneficial than calcium tablets or milk as carrots have no mucous forming properties and the calcium is fully (100%) absorbable compared to supplements and milk where 4-20% is available if you have a very strong and efficient digestive tract.

Dr Walker believed that carrot juice is the best thing for ulcers and cancer and over the years many people with these conditions have benefited from taking carrot juice daily.

The nutrients in carrot juice help your immune system, your hormonal system, and your nervous system function more efficiently.

Carrot juice can be taken very effectively for eye, skin and throat infections and combined with cold pressed flax, sunflower and olive oil, make these best mouth wash for any oral inflammation such as mouth ulcers, sore throats and “strawberry tongue” in scarlet fever. Gargle and spit out until the glass is finished.

Not everyone has the time or inclination to juice carrots on a daily basis, and furthermore, we don’t always have access to organically grown carrots. Therefore I often use Just Carrots, another brilliant AIM product, made from 100% organically grown carrots.

Just Carrots is safe for all, including small babies. Mary-Ann Shearer recommends that bottle fed babies have at least ¼ - ½ tsp of both Just Carrots and Barleylife on a daily basis. This can be included in the bottles, spread over the day or given in plain water if the baby will take it.

Elderly folk will find great benefit from Just Carrots in every area of your health. Do not be surprised if eyesight improves. The nutrients in carrots are extremely beneficial to eye function.

Just Carrots is 100 percent natural carrot juice and comes as freeze-dried crystals or tablets. Great for travelling too, just add water! Just Carrots is tested for pesticides and herbicides to ensure that Just Carrots is residue free. There are no additives, sweeteners, fillers, or artificial ingredients.

If you are taking in a lot of carrot juice you may find the palms of your hands and the soles of your feet become quite yellow. This is completely safe and merely shows your body now has the right nutrients to protect your skin from harsh sun. 20-30 minutes a day will quickly convert the yellow colour into a golden brown, even if you have never been able to tan before!  So get ready for summer by consuming lots of carrot juice!

Just checking in to say that things are still juicy here.  I’ve had very little in the way of detox symptoms these last few days, am still losing weight and feeling great!  Except yesterday when something truly bizarre happened.

I was making my juice for the evening and my container was ever so slightly too small, so I took a few gulps of juice to make room.  Within moments I was hit by a paralyzing pain just under my breastbone.  I couldn’t bear to be upright, so I lay down on the couch.  Even that was uncomfortable.  I started sweating profusely, and the pain could be felt all the way at the back of my ribcage to my shoulders and even my neck.  It took about an hour to pass.  I grabbed my Sudoku book and started doing puzzles.  I knew it wasn’t my heart, or my liver or even my gallbladder.  It felt as if my diaphragm was in spasm.  I think this is what babies must feel when they have wind.  If hubby had been home he could have rubbed my back for me, or knowing him, thumped me, but as he wasn’t I just had to wait it out.  And sure enough, I burped a lot during that hour.  The lesson is to not gulp down whatever you are drinking!

All the other juice feasters are reporting increased consumption of juice, but strangely enough I think I’m drinking more water than juice at the moment.  I’ll just go with it some more and see if I can figure out why.  I’m certainly not starving myself.  I have this love affair with water at the moment, after writing a page about water for my website. 

I’ve got a lot on my mind at the moment.  The path I have chosen seems to be so full of obstacles and it seems unlikely that I can get around them.  I have to keep reminding myself that my truth does not depend on that which can be seen, but rather on my beliefs.  If I can’t go over or around those obstacles, I suppose I can always go through them!   There is no room for doubt.  It can be done, and it will be done.  I don’t have to see the whole staircase to take the first step.

Just a word on the store room.  I inherited it in that state.  That wasn’t my stuff, or my doing.  I just couldn’t live with it anymore!  Craig said that I was painful to work with…  I have very set ideas about how to do things and for this exercise I insisted that EVERYTHING came out, the place got swept, and only then did we start putting things back.  He was looking for shortcuts, but I was having none of it!  I must say, I was surprised at his willingness to throw things away.  I thought I would have to  tear things from his hands, but he was pretty good!  The only “incident” was when he hit an old tin of varnish with an even older golf club, shattering the tin and streaking varnish all over the tiles and wall of the back patio.  Also all over himself and in his eye.  Boys will be boys, I suppose.  One of the finds of the whole exercise is a box full of photographs from his childhood and youth.  I’ll be going through them soon!

I really want to thank you for your unfailing support.  I know you don’t all agree with me, but you’re always interested and polite, not to mention encouraging.  Two of the blogs I read regularly have nasty controversies raging in the comments and I’m just so glad that I don’t have trolls dropping bombs in my comment section.  We are here to help one another.  If I ever say something in your comments that you find offensive, or misplaced, please let me know.  My intention is always to encourage, educate and uplift.  I love blogging, don’t you?

We’ve got a double dose of American Idol tonight, starting with Hollywood week!  I told you we’re far behind, but we catch up!

About the picture:

Those of you who’ve been reading since January might remember that I once worked on an ostrich show farm.  Here’s a picture of an ostrich race.  We, the guides, had to provide the commentary like they do at a horse race!  (It’s hard to believe that I could do that in three languages, although not at the same time…)   The tourists lapped it up and the “jockeys” earned wonderful tips!

Day 53 and still going strong!  Actually, make that “pottering along”.  I just haven’t been feeling it these last few days.  I expect it will get better again.  Such is the ebb and flow of life (and Juice Feasting). 

It’s been great having hubby around for three of the four days of the weekend.  He did open his shop on Saturday, but it was so quiet that he was back home at 3 pm.  My domestic was also here on Saturday, so that she could have the day off today. All of this means that I’m starved for my own company!  

I’ve always know that I’m somewhat of a loner, and I love being on my own at home during the day.  At night I want my hubby here of course!  I can’t wait to do some emotional work tomorrow.  And an enema.  None of this is possible when he (or the maid) is here.  (I’m very private about these things!)

We spent the day with my parents yesterday.  My sister and her family were also there.  And surprise, surprise!  My half-sister, who lives 1000km away, was there with her new boyfriend.  I haven’t seen her in almost a year.  We had a lovely day.  Craig took some fresh fish for the barbeque and while everyone ate, I fed my 11 month old niece her bottle.  The most tempting thing for me was the bread… I just wanted to bury my face in it and start eating!

Physically I’m a bit buggered tonight.  Today was Round #2 of Mission Storeroom.  We’ve basically finished, but for a few items from the house which must still go in there.  Sarie and I will do that on Wednesday.  It was a huge job and I am well pleased with the result!  Photo’s will follow on Wednesday evening!

I’m still managing to get some work done on the website.  I’ve done 5 pages so far… Lots more to go.  (Note to self - don’t decide to change the font again, it’s a mission!)

About the picture:

• In the winter months whale watchers flock to the southern coast of South Africa.  Whales can be seen very close to shore in most of the bays.  They come here to give birth and stay for a good few months.  The most common whale is the Southern Right Whale, so named because it used to be the “right” whale to hunt.  Fortunately nobody hunts these whales in our waters and boats may not come within a certain distance of them. 
• Whale watching was one of my favourite past times when I lived in Plettenberg Bay.  It is so relaxing!
• Uploaded to Flickr by Johan Lindstrom

I think one must finally take one’s life into one’s own arms and kiss it. ~ Arthur Miller

I knew from the outset that Juice Feasting was going to be a life changing experience, but I could not have foreseen the enormity of it.  And by that I mean in the mental and emotional sense.  I was prepared for the physical aspect of this journey, and really, it hasn’t been as bad as I thought it would be, apart from the dreadful flu (which I normally don’t get because of the Barleylife I take every day).  I am a much different person than I was 50 days ago.  And I like it.

I realize now that during the last 50 days I have only paid lip service to dealing with my emotional issues.  I have been juice feasting on auto-pilot, which is of course the exact opposite of being mindful!  I was afraid of my emotions.  I was holding on to the memories, the could-have-beens, the failures and the deceptions of my life.  I was even holding on to my own (perceived) shortcomings.  I had come a long way with that suitcase full of emotional effluent, ignoring the weight and the stench and the inevitable cloud of flies.  I wasn’t ready to let go…

Yesterday we started clearing out our store-room.  We only did a bit, because Craig can only take one truck-load per day.  (I took a “before” picture, which I’ll post with an “after” once we’re done).  Ninety-five per cent of the stuff in that store-room do not belong to me and have been there for years.  I’ve only lived here two years and moved from a tiny studio apartment, so I had no “stuff”, apart from my stinking suitcase full of garbage.  That didn’t go into the store-room though.  I have no idea why clearing out this store-room has shifted something inside me.

Something has definitely shifted.  I noticed it last night.  Before getting into bed I saw that for the first time since my teens I have EWCM (egg white cervical mucous).  This to me is a huge indication that my hormones are loving juice feasting!  My body is healing.  I have not had my customary stabbing pain that normally accompanies ovulation, but I had the egg white!  Even though we’re not officially trying to conceive right now, there was no way my husband was going to sleep unmolested!  Afterwards I started crying.  And then I cried some more.  I feel as if I have a reservoir of tears that need to be shed. 

I have no idea why I’m crying (still on and off), but it’s just making me feel so clean.  And the river of tears has carried away that reeking old suitcase.  Out of my life.  I am emerging from the waters clean and whole.  Maybe it has to do with the full moon and the Equinox.  I don’t know, but I feel so close to myself right now.

Michelle did an excellent post yesterday about cycles, based on a transcript from Karen Knowler, UK raw food coach.  Apparently one goes through 5 levels of transformation when changing over to raw food (but this could apply to anything) and then you start again at #1 with new thoughts, insights and ideas.  There is no finish line.   I’ll say that again, for everybody making changes in their lives.  There is no finish line.

I see this cyclical effect in my physical detox.  My tongue is once again coated and the skin condition on my hands has flared up again, even though I can see that the underlying new skin is the healthiest it’s been in 12-13 years.  My weight loss has slowed down, because I have been holding onto my suitcase for dear life.  Now that the suitcase is floating away from me, I think my body is going to respond beautifully.

I realized as I was reading Michelle’s post that I had regarded juice feasting as my “magic bullet”.  It was supposed to cure my addiction to fast food.  It was supposed to be my “pass” into a healthier diet. 

The truth is that I still have to fight the temptation to eat the things I have previously been addicted to.  But making good choices has become a habit that will stand me in good stead when I eat solid food again.  It has become easier for me to consider what my body needs and wants.  Starting solid food will be starting a new cycle of transition.  And with the confidence and wisdom that I’ve gained while juice feasting, I know that it will be a challenging, yet rewarding cycle.  I can do it!  I may not make the best choices 100% of the time, but I’ll be grateful for 90% and keep working on the deficit!

Juice feasting is, and has been, the most significant thing I’ve ever done in my life.  It is both harder and easier than I thought it would be.  I would be a poorer person for not having done this.  I am looking forward to the next few months…  I have been thinking about extending my juice feast beyond 92 days, but when I examine my motives now, I realize that I’ve been trying to reach “perfection”, an all too-familiar pattern in my life.  I didn’t want to quit until I had fully detoxed, lost x amount of pounds, and pulled together all the threads of my life.

That’s not going to happen.  That is not the purpose of juice feasting.  I will have to step up to the plate and do it myself.  And believe me, I’ll be working on it.  While juice feasting.  I am trusting my body to tell me when to stop.  I’ll be listening…

And I know that that will only signify the start of another exciting leg of my journey through life.

The fridge is once again stocked with lots of produce, amongst other things a 5 kg (11 pound) bag of carrots.   I see lots of carrot juice in my future!  All the juice feasters rave about watermelon juice, so I bought some watermelon, which I’ll try out tomorrow.  My love affair with citrus is still going strong.

I had another terrific colonic this morning!  Then I went to my beauty therapist for a leg, underarm and brow wax.  Now I’m super-smooth!

In my retracing journey, I am now 16 years in the past.  No wonder my liver is feeling somewhat tender…  In 1992 I was in my first hotel job, staying on the premises in staff quarters and partying wildly when off duty.   I was casually involved for quite a while with the most beautiful, sexy, yet sadly self-destructive and ultimately doomed, man.  I saw him about 5 years later, after both of us had got fat and married.  He looked terrible!  Booze and drugs had left their mark on his once gorgeous face and body.  Shortly after that I heard that he’d died of a suspected overdose/heart attack/suicide (take your pick).  He was a bastard, but there was something about him I’ll never forget… in fact, he reminds me of Tomas, the lead character of The Unbearable Lightness Of Being.

I’m very happily married, and Jerome was not the “love of my life” or “the one that got away”, but he had a big impact on my life and I think I’m letting go, not only of him, but of the Hanlie I was back then.  Goodbye Jay, I hope you found your peace.  I have.

Furthermore I’m making great headway with my website (at the expense of some time spent reading blogs - I promise I read everything, but I don’t comment as often!).  I’m not going to even hazard a guess as to the launch date of the website, because the content is taking a long time to formulate and load.  I really want it to be a valuable health, fertility and lifestyle resource.

About the picture:

Fairview is another well-know wine estate, near the Winelands town of Paarl.  The estate is also famous for its goats’ milk cheese. 

Uploaded to Flickr by FranandJespah