The next question I would like to answer comes from Chanda.
Being a total romantic at heart (and I suspect you are too), I want to know how you met your hubby.
Ok, I’m a Virgo. So I’m more practical than romantic, although I do have very active tearducts when watching movies and TV or reading. But I’m not the kind of girl who is easily swayed (anymore) by pretty words, roses and chocolate. Doing what you said you were going to do and holding me when I feel sad, or happy, count for more in my book.
I have a very sad and sordid history when it comes to men and dating. I was literally looking for love in all the wrong places. My first marriage was a disaster from start to finish. Almost five years ago I stumbled upon an internet dating site and signed up in moment of madness. That was the official start of the Bridget Jones years. I kept notes, so if you want I can write about my blind dating career…
But let’s fastforward to 20 July 2005. I was sitting in my office, reading newspaper reports of a social event I had attended two nights previously with yet another blind date. Some of my colleagues had even seen me on the news the previous evening… The date was a bust, but I had come to expect that. In fact, I was no longer even nervous when I went on this endless stream of highly entertaining encounters.
I decided to surf the dating site to see who was on. There was a new face - CraigB. Not too bad, a bit on the short side maybe. I decided to “favorite” him.
The next morning I had a message in my inbox from him. Just some generic “Hi, how are you” stuff. I replied in the same vein.
The following morning there was another message in my inbox. Could he have my phone number, because he’s not really into long correspondences. So I sent him my number and he phoned me. Very abrupt-sounding. Would I go to dinner at a fancy restaurant with him that evening? He’d pick me up at 7 pm. I replied that I’d meet him at the restaurant, but afterwards I realized that it was Friday night and parking was bound to be a problem. So I phoned him back and gave him my address.
Normally I was very relaxed before a date… But for some reason our two short phone conversations had made me nervous. He had sounded so impatient. I didn’t know what to expect.
When he buzzed my door and I went out to meet him, my heart sank to my shoes. He had lied about his height. He was definitely shorter than he’d claimed in his profile. By the lack of greeting I knew that he’d also realized that I was slightly bigger than Curvy or Voluptious or whatever I had claimed to be. He showed me to a shiny and very fancy Mercedes and we set off in awkward silence. I thought the evening was going to be a total disaster.
The silence didn’t prevail for very long, because when I get nervous I tend to babble. By the time we were seated in the restaurant, I wanted wine and I wanted it NOW! Fortunately we had the same taste in wine (I take wine very seriously) and we started to relax a bit. In no time at all we were chatting amicably, laughing at the same kind of things and I realized something amazing: I was being completely natural. I wasn’t trying to impress or put my best foot forward. We were having a great time. We agreed on so many things. All this was helped by more wine and great food. After our meal we went to another, outdoor venue (in the middle of winter!) for coffee, so that I could smoke. That’s where he kissed me. Despite the smoke.
The next morning I phoned my best friends and said “This guy is different”. And he was. When he said “I’ll phone you tomorrow”, he did. We saw each other every day after that first date. The first gift he gave me was an antique Chinese wooden bucket. When my car broke down he lent me the money (almost $1000) to have it fixed. I didn’t ask him for it, but he didn’t like the idea that his girlfriend (his words) had to stand in the rain waiting for buses. I paid him back at bonus time, a whole 5 months later.
He met my family shortly after we met and they liked him. I never thought I’d see the day!
I told him I loved him pretty early on, but he, being a man of few words, just couldn’t say it. He showed me every day. One day he attended a business lunch which turned into quite a party. At some point he mentioned to all and sundry that he had a girlfriend (his dad was there too). Then he phoned me to tell me that he would be unable to see me that evening (I could hear that!), but that he loved me. And he made sure that I realized that it was the first time he’d said it!
I gave up my flat in January 2006, because I only really visited it to get post.
There was never a proposal. I mentioned that one had to book wedding venues about a year in advance, so we started scouting venues. By then we were eating really healthy and I was losing weight. I thought that I’d be able to stand being the center of attention for one day - my wedding day. So we went ahead and planned a rather fancy wedding for January 2007. We had the ring designed and made up and got engaged in May (I think it was two years ago yesterday).
Unfortunately I fell of the wagon with a thud and as the wedding drew nearer and I was getting bigger instead of smaller, I started dreading this wedding business. I was under a lot of stress at work too. I was bailed out of it when he bought a new business that took up a lot of his time. One night over dinner I mentioned that I wasn’t looking forward to the wedding anymore. He said that he had never wanted such a “do” anyway and that he’d be happy to go to the magistrate’s court. I wasn’t going to fall for that one, but said that I’d find something special. The next day my friend Charlotte suggested Matjiesfontein.
To call Matjiesfontein a village would be an exageration. It’s a railway station in the middle of nowhere, with a hotel and some other buildings, all belonging to the same person. It’s about two and a half hours from Cape Town and I used to love going there for mini-breaks before meeting Craig. We decided to take our parents and elope to Matjiesfontein.
Ten days later, in September of 2006, we said our vows in the tiny little chapel at Matjiesfontein. No mess, no fuss! Very practical. And yes, it was romantic! I cried all the way through my vows!
Ps. He’s standing on a step in this picture!
