Posted by hanlie | Posted in My Long Walk to Health | Posted on 23-10-2009
As I mentioned in my previous post, I am doing a great deal of reading, meditation, visualization and affirmation at the moment. It’s really doing wonders – I feel great! I just ran into an old workout buddy of mine and she told me I look fabulous. That’s what a diet from negative thoughts and emotions will do for you!
One central theme in the material that I’m reading and listening to is that you need to picture what you want to look like. I was somewhat at a loss… How do I want to look? The only picture I could think of was this:
I love her body! I’d love to look like that.
But to be honest, it just didn’t feel authentic for me. After thinking about it some more, I realized that I don’t have to go elsewhere to find a role model… I can just dig into my little brown suitcase.
Varsity days - we weren't really smoking those cigars!
I love how strong and capable I am here!
Ah, those eighties shoulders!
Life was good!
This picture was in the newspaper!
My roommate and I - we didn't *always* dress alike!
You see, I want to look like me again… not Ursula Andress, as beautiful as she is.
Notice how happy I look? There is so much possibility in those eyes and that smile. What I’m learning is that it never left – I still have it.
A lot of the things that can be described as my main issues, my deepest wounds, had already happened when these pictures were taken. The difference between then and now is that I hadn’t yet spent 20 years carrying my baggage, repeating the same behavioral patterns over and over again and feeling ashamed and guilty about it. Our baggage is not things that happened to us, it’s the emotions surrounding those events that have never been released.
Brandon Bays talks about our essence, our Being, as a flawless and brilliant diamond. What happens in life is that we allow layers and layers of muck (emotional baggage) to cover our brilliance and strength. Then we varnish that muck to keep it in and cover it up and that is the face we show to the world. And we forget all about the diamond.
I’ve cracked the varnish and am now digging through the brown stuff. And I’m getting closer and closer to that diamond.
How deep have you buried your diamond?
PS. Someone asked me in the comments of the previous post to please list some of the useful books I’ve been reading. They are in my Amazon Store, so please take a look if you’re interested. Some of them are not new to me… but my eyes and my mind are new to their message. Some of them are so mind-blowing I’m reeling!
That is great Hanlie. It is never in our benefit to try and look like someone else, no matter how pretty we think they are. It’s best for us to try and be the best version of ourself and you are doing that!
Mary :: A Merry Life´s last blog ..Being Real Is Hard
This is wonderful. Not only because its a great idea but because we got to wander through your life a bit through the photos. Thanks so much for sharing them!
*huggles*
=0)
I like your analogy of the diamond in each of us. Kind of reminds me of the disney movie, Aladdin and how they called him a “diamond in the rough” (which I didn’t understand when I was a kid). I can totally see how the emotional baggage has affected me in the past and still affects some of my siblings. Sometimes we just have to break free and show our inner diamond – like you said!
Tricia´s last blog ..Showcasing a project
Wow!! After seeing these photo’s why would you want to look like anybody else?
pbdphoto´s last blog ..St Helena Bay.
I don’t think I have even touched on getting back to my diamond. Too much crust on top. I have been meditating but I prefer guided meditation. The studio I was going to is too far for me now that my BF and I have parted ways.
I am going to have to find something in the area to assist with shaking off all the grime and dirt and shining once again.
Kimberley´s last blog .."The Hot 100"
Hanlie~ you look amazingly happy and I’m so glad you know that you never lost it. I love all those pictures, thanks for sharing.
How beautiful! After all, you are the world’s leading expert in being YOU. Way better than striving to be like someone else. Love all the old photos!
Michelle @ Find Your Balance´s last blog ..Slice it, Stuff it, Top it, Eat it
Have you ever watched any of those old eighties movies….you looked like the ‘popular’ girl in your old photos. All American California girl. I know your south african but that’s what it reminded me of. Not too shabby.:O)
You still have a spark there in your new photos, I could totally see it. You are going to get there, just keep moving in your new direction.
chris´s last blog ..A perfect moment
Chris: I was NOT the popular girl! But our society is much more tolerant than the American, so people aren’t terrorized and victimized for being different. I was the leader-girl – first in my class, first in everything, leader of just about every society and activity (except sport). Although I was a prefect, I was not the head girl – the popular, rich girl got that!
and..are you helpin that dude onto an OSTRICHE???!!!!
out of this world.
chris´s last blog ..A perfect moment
Ah yes, my ostrich farm days… One wouldn’t think, looking at me now, that I used to ride ostriches every day!
Beautiful photos Hanlie, thank you for sharing. Your beaming smile is infectious! Good stuff!
Daniele´s last blog ..Bit of fun!
Hanlie, I was a little concerned as I began reading your post that you were going to suggest you were going to begin vitalizing yourself as someone else. The concern was false though. I think you hit a great point here. While visualizing what we desire, we need to be careful not to visualize something we will never be – someone else.
Great post Hanlie.
South Beach Steve´s last blog ..Friday Blog Spotlight
Ahhh yes, the 80′s! Me too, LOL
I think we have an advantage in having *been* a regular/thinner size, so we have an idea what we are shooting for. I, too, look back at my 80′s pictures when I weighed about 140 pounds and thought I was fat but looked very much like you look in your pics… healthy, capable, good. I want to look like me again too! Great post.
Lyn´s last blog ..Holiday Trap
What a lovely post! I really enjoyed meandering through the pics you shared – & the fun comments ‘we didn’t ALWAYS dress alike!’ & how affirming, your realization that you haven’t really lost that sparkle, that it’s still there, & that you’re breaking through the negative images/incedents etc that have fogged your diamond!
& as mentioned, how healthy to vision our SELVES as powerful, beautiful, inspiring women!
Blessings as you reclaim your spark!
Dia´s last blog ..Risky Business – diet of joy
loved all the pictures and what an ‘on point post’.
I was totally picturing how one layer of protection is put up and then another to cover that – and the layers just keep going – as you wrote. We have all done that in one form or another. And I think for most of us – there are a great many layers built before we realize it. . .
vickie´s last blog ..Who knew that buttons were for buttoning
You are on your way Hanlie! I love they joy and happiness I see in those pics! I am THRILLED you looking for THAT YOU and not in looking like someone else!
Good for you
Cindy´s last blog ..Bandwidth Stand-Off
We can only be who we are and it’s fruitless to wish to be another.
Hanlie, you’re gorgeous then and now.
Where are you btw? It’s not like you to not post.
Hope everything is well with you.
xo
Fitcetera´s last blog ..A Salubrious Sunday
your smile your smile your smile….
you ARE gorgeous in all of the pics.
gorgeous NOW.
and way more lovely than the bikini’ed woman.
(you know sinc eyou wanted my opinion and all
)
MizFit´s last blog ..Two Fit Chicks & A Microphone podcast: Goal setting.
You, my dear, are an inspiration! THANK YOU!!!!!
You are shifting so much. Thank you for sharing your lovely self and your lovely pics with us. You are truly an inspiration.
Kat´s last blog ..Hot 100 Challenge – Update #3
I love all of our your pictures. You are really a beautiful woman no matter what your size. You are so smart to think you want to look like “you”. That is what we all need to do is find a healthy us somewhere along the lines and and work towards that.
By doing so we would be able to succeed because we know it is realistic because we have been there!
You are always inspiring!
XO
Shannon Fab Fattie´s last blog ..Q & A with Debra Mazda
This is all so amazing Hanlie! What an amazing transformation you are going through.
Yes, we are perfect diamonds, but some of us have shielded that light with layers of personal and other people’s pain.
I LOVE your photos – what a gorgeous girl you were, and guess what still ARE! See that within yourself and love it with all you have.
I am with you and here for you in any way I can along this journey…
Evita´s last blog ..Vegetarian Recipe: Mung Bean Sprout Herb Salad
Your beauty shines from within. Then and now.
MamaBearJune´s last blog ..HYC check in
Those pictures of you really are gorgeous…
One of my recent weight loss motivations is centered on learning to ride. I am planning on starting lessons soon, but I want to make sure that I am fit and able to ride without putting undue stress on an already well-worn lesson horse.
Those pictures of you in your riding gear are further inspiration!
I’ll keep following you and your journey.
-Gertie Stein
http://www.thechunkblog.com