So much has been happening in my life lately, I think it’s time for an update…
As you know, I’d been struggling emotionally and mentally these past two months. I knew what I needed to do and how I needed to live, but a piece of the puzzle was still missing and it left me afraid, depleted of joy and overwhelmed. I was fighting with myself.
I recognized that this was a pattern that I had been repeating all my life and knew that I had to break free once and for all. I started reading up on how our beliefs about ourselves can limit us, affect our health and derail even our best efforts. I learned to be still and listen to my inner “voices” – the ones who told me repeatedly that I was not good enough, that I fail in everything I do, that I have to protect myself, that I don’t deserve abundance, that I can’t be trusted, that I was fat, infertile and old – without judgment and then I learned to expose those lies, let go and change my soundtrack. (This is of course an ongoing process!) I started speaking truth into my life through affirmations and words of love and encouragement.
The results have been astounding!
I am once again energized to live the kind of life I desire. I am so much more aware of what is going on inside me and around me. I find pleasure in the smallest interactions and experiences. I’m fully conscious about what I’m feeding both my body and my spirit. I continually bless my food and my body and handle them with love.
Instead of seeing myself as broken and unacceptable, I’m visualizing myself as vibrantly healthy, radiant, energetic, fertile, creative and in shape. This has made me realize that the only way to physically become aligned with that picture is to let go of the notion that I need to “lose” something, i.e. weight, pounds, centimeters, fat, etc. I just need to become.
You will notice that I’ve taken down my “weight loss” badges. I don’t need to measure my progress anymore… By eating healthy foods (whole foods, mostly plants, mostly raw), eating and exercising joyfully and mindfully, sleeping well, soaking in the sun for a few minutes a day, treating myself with love and approval, and renewing my mind, my body will follow on its own. There is no carrot-and-stick necessary and certainly no whip or cattle-prod.
I don’t know what I weigh now and I don’t care. I don’t know what I’ll weigh a year from now and I don’t care. I’m not afraid of the scale… it’s just become obsolete in my life. I don’t need it. I don’t need a measuring tape. I’m not sweating the process anymore, I’m allowing it to happen and gracefully stepping out of its way. In fact, I’m not even seeing it as a process, but as the way I live my life. Of course I will publish photographs, but not the classical weight loss ones.
I’m done with weight loss! I’m now attaining my natural, healthy shape, good health and fitness.
It feels great!
In other news, my new attitude has already brought dynamic changes to my personal relationships, even my marriage. It’s amazing to see what happens when one lets go of one’s attachments of the way people and things (including oneself) should be. It really inspires me to grow more in this area.
Furthermore, we have just bought a new house and will be moving in February. The process of finding a house was not smooth, but I refused to despair when our offer was turned down on another house and instead chose to believe that the right house, will show up, at the right price. That is exactly what happened. Of all the houses we’ve seen these past few weeks, this one cost the least, but yet it’s beautifully renovated and so us. As a bonus, I met two very lovely estate agents with whom I’ll be sure to remain in contact.
The best news of all is that with the purchase of this house, our expenses per month will be much less than they are now… So I don’t have to go back to work yet. I am so relieved, because I really didn’t want to “go back”. I’m all about going forward. That’s not to say that I’m not open to having an income again – in fact, I have an idea of what I want to do and will explore it some more after we’ve moved. In the mean time, a wonderful opportunity has presented itself where I can earn some money in my own time as a mystery shopper for various businesses.
So, by choosing not to remain stuck in my past and my pain, powerful changes have been wrought.
Life is good.