No need to send a search party! I’m right here, having a good time – reading, napping, walking, buying a house, thinking, meditating, affirming and just BEING.
All is well in my world.
One of these days I’ll feel like spending time on the computer again, but for now there’s a whole world out there (and lots of books).
Keep well, be good to yourselves and Happy Halloween!
Flickr by zanzibar
I made this for breakfast yesterday and it was delicious!
Tropical Fruit “Yogurt”
1 small papaya
3 bananas
1 medium pineapple
1 can coconut milk
a pinch of crystal salt
1 tsp vanilla extract
Blend on high until mixed well. Enjoy. You can also add a mango or some guavas. The more fruit you add, the thicker it becomes.
As I mentioned in my previous post, I am doing a great deal of reading, meditation, visualization and affirmation at the moment. It’s really doing wonders – I feel great! I just ran into an old workout buddy of mine and she told me I look fabulous. That’s what a diet from negative thoughts and emotions will do for you!
One central theme in the material that I’m reading and listening to is that you need to picture what you want to look like. I was somewhat at a loss… How do I want to look? The only picture I could think of was this:
I love her body! I’d love to look like that.
But to be honest, it just didn’t feel authentic for me. After thinking about it some more, I realized that I don’t have to go elsewhere to find a role model… I can just dig into my little brown suitcase.
Varsity days - we weren't really smoking those cigars!
I love how strong and capable I am here!
Ah, those eighties shoulders!
Life was good!
This picture was in the newspaper!
My roommate and I - we didn't *always* dress alike!
You see, I want to look like me again… not Ursula Andress, as beautiful as she is.
Notice how happy I look? There is so much possibility in those eyes and that smile. What I’m learning is that it never left – I still have it.
A lot of the things that can be described as my main issues, my deepest wounds, had already happened when these pictures were taken. The difference between then and now is that I hadn’t yet spent 20 years carrying my baggage, repeating the same behavioral patterns over and over again and feeling ashamed and guilty about it. Our baggage is not things that happened to us, it’s the emotions surrounding those events that have never been released.
Brandon Bays talks about our essence, our Being, as a flawless and brilliant diamond. What happens in life is that we allow layers and layers of muck (emotional baggage) to cover our brilliance and strength. Then we varnish that muck to keep it in and cover it up and that is the face we show to the world. And we forget all about the diamond.
I’ve cracked the varnish and am now digging through the brown stuff. And I’m getting closer and closer to that diamond.
How deep have you buried your diamond?
PS. Someone asked me in the comments of the previous post to please list some of the useful books I’ve been reading. They are in my Amazon Store, so please take a look if you’re interested. Some of them are not new to me… but my eyes and my mind are new to their message. Some of them are so mind-blowing I’m reeling!
So much has been happening in my life lately, I think it’s time for an update…
As you know, I’d been struggling emotionally and mentally these past two months. I knew what I needed to do and how I needed to live, but a piece of the puzzle was still missing and it left me afraid, depleted of joy and overwhelmed. I was fighting with myself.
I recognized that this was a pattern that I had been repeating all my life and knew that I had to break free once and for all. I started reading up on how our beliefs about ourselves can limit us, affect our health and derail even our best efforts. I learned to be still and listen to my inner “voices” – the ones who told me repeatedly that I was not good enough, that I fail in everything I do, that I have to protect myself, that I don’t deserve abundance, that I can’t be trusted, that I was fat, infertile and old – without judgment and then I learned to expose those lies, let go and change my soundtrack. (This is of course an ongoing process!) I started speaking truth into my life through affirmations and words of love and encouragement.
The results have been astounding!
I am once again energized to live the kind of life I desire. I am so much more aware of what is going on inside me and around me. I find pleasure in the smallest interactions and experiences. I’m fully conscious about what I’m feeding both my body and my spirit. I continually bless my food and my body and handle them with love.
Instead of seeing myself as broken and unacceptable, I’m visualizing myself as vibrantly healthy, radiant, energetic, fertile, creative and in shape. This has made me realize that the only way to physically become aligned with that picture is to let go of the notion that I need to “lose” something, i.e. weight, pounds, centimeters, fat, etc. I just need to become.
You will notice that I’ve taken down my “weight loss” badges. I don’t need to measure my progress anymore… By eating healthy foods (whole foods, mostly plants, mostly raw), eating and exercising joyfully and mindfully, sleeping well, soaking in the sun for a few minutes a day, treating myself with love and approval, and renewing my mind, my body will follow on its own. There is no carrot-and-stick necessary and certainly no whip or cattle-prod.
I don’t know what I weigh now and I don’t care. I don’t know what I’ll weigh a year from now and I don’t care. I’m not afraid of the scale… it’s just become obsolete in my life. I don’t need it. I don’t need a measuring tape. I’m not sweating the process anymore, I’m allowing it to happen and gracefully stepping out of its way. In fact, I’m not even seeing it as a process, but as the way I live my life. Of course I will publish photographs, but not the classical weight loss ones.
I’m done with weight loss! I’m now attaining my natural, healthy shape, good health and fitness.
It feels great!
In other news, my new attitude has already brought dynamic changes to my personal relationships, even my marriage. It’s amazing to see what happens when one lets go of one’s attachments of the way people and things (including oneself) should be. It really inspires me to grow more in this area.
Furthermore, we have just bought a new house and will be moving in February. The process of finding a house was not smooth, but I refused to despair when our offer was turned down on another house and instead chose to believe that the right house, will show up, at the right price. That is exactly what happened. Of all the houses we’ve seen these past few weeks, this one cost the least, but yet it’s beautifully renovated and so us. As a bonus, I met two very lovely estate agents with whom I’ll be sure to remain in contact.
The best news of all is that with the purchase of this house, our expenses per month will be much less than they are now… So I don’t have to go back to work yet. I am so relieved, because I really didn’t want to “go back”. I’m all about going forward. That’s not to say that I’m not open to having an income again – in fact, I have an idea of what I want to do and will explore it some more after we’ve moved. In the mean time, a wonderful opportunity has presented itself where I can earn some money in my own time as a mystery shopper for various businesses.
So, by choosing not to remain stuck in my past and my pain, powerful changes have been wrought.
Life is good.
Kat has very generously awarded me the Over The Top Blog Award. Thank you, Kat!
Copy these 35 questions and change the answers to suit you and then pass it on. Try to keep your answers to one word each question.
1. Where is your cell phone? charging
2. Your hair? behaving
3. Your mother? accomplished
4. Your father? gentle
5. Your favorite food? made-with-love
6. Your dream last night? Obama
7. Your favorite drink? water
8. Your dream/goal? motherhood
9. What room are you in? study
10. Your hobby? reading
11. Your fear? rejection
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? aware
13. Where were you last night? safe
14. Something that you aren’t? regretful
15. Muffins? yuk!
16. Wish list item? books
17. Where did you grow up? on-the-move
18. Last thing you did? breakfast
19. What are you wearing? jeans
20. Your TV? disconnected
21. Your pets? cats
22. Friends? heaven-sent
23. Your life? expanding
24. Your mood? upbeat
25. Missing someone? yes
26. Vehicle? Renault
27. Something you’re not wearing? watch
28. Your favorite store? bookstore
29. Your favorite color? turquoise
30. When was the last time you laughed? yesterday
31. Last time you cried? forgot
32. Your best friend? me
33. One place that I go to over and over? my husband’s arms
34. One person who emails me regularly? Universe
35. Favorite place to eat? home
I am supposed to pass this on to 6 others, but instead I am going to invite those who have not done it yet to do it if they want to. It is quite fun!
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