FertilehealthyAiming for success, not perfection…

When I first gained weight in my mid-twenties I was extremely embarrassed by my body. I remember not wanting to leave the house over weekends… I didn’t want to be seen! I just wanted to stay home, chain-smoke and eat fatty foods.

After a while I realized that this was not a good thing. I wasn’t ready to tackle the weight, but I needed to feel better about myself. The alternative, a descent into the dark, bottomless pit of depression, scared me more than cleaning myself up a little and showing a brave face to the world.

It wasn’t always easy. I never liked the fact that people would glance at me, and then look away as if I was invisible. Sometimes people would avoid me in social situations. But the most of the time people accepted and liked me for who I was, not what I looked like. This brought many, many blessings into my life, among them my friend Lizana, my soul sister, my “person” and the light of my life!

It happened like this. At the time I was living in a small studio apartment, so to get out I would frequent the neighborhood pub, where I would sit by the fire and read my book over a few drinks. On one such occasion a boisterous group of people arrived. They were laughing and chatting and when I looked up, I caught the eye of one of the guys. He walked over to me and asked me to join them. I first said no, but a while later I realized that the book wasn’t doing it for me, so I walked on over and became one of the group. We ended up doing a lot of fun things over the weekend and stayed in touch. A few weeks later I met JD the brother of the guy who had originally approached me and we just clicked. We became great friends. One day the two us went on a tour of the Winelands and acting on a random tip, ended up at a small boutique winery, where a girl with the biggest, friendliest smile and bubbliest personality received and served us. We liked her so much, we stayed for lunch! It turned out that my best friend at school had been her best friend at college! JD and I were both smitten… He became her boyfriend and she became the best friend I’ve ever had. Just because I had chosen to get out more!

Don’t let your fat be your jailer. Being a shrinking violet will bring you nowhere.

If you go to a restaurant and they show you to a booth, don’t be embarrassed to ask for another table. Waiters are there to serve you, not judge you, so don’t let this ruin your whole outing. You have nothing to be ashamed of and should not have to put up with discomfort for the duration of your meal. I easily move things around to suit me. Where we lived before there was a hotel where Craig and I used to go for lunch or afternoon tea. The whole experience is about sitting on the patio under the oaks, so when I found that I couldn’t fit into the wrought iron chairs, I got a waiter to bring me another, very comfortable, chair from inside. The next time we went there, he recognized me and knew that he’d get a good tip if he brought me a nice chair again! He was only too happy to help.

At my old gym someone had parked too close to my car one day and I couldn’t get in. I knew that trying from the other side wouldn’t work, so when I spotted a slender guy walking to his car, I stopped him and laughingly asked him if he would mind getting my car out of the parking space, as I couldn’t get in. He laughed too and did it! He wasn’t laughing at me, he was laughing with me! Of course it helps that this happened at gym and that I was obviously sweaty and puffed from working out. I may have been slightly embarrassed if I had been holding a bag of donuts and a milkshake.

When we stop being defensive and show others that we can gracefully accept our physical limitations, they will respond in kind. Of course you get some assholes, but they are the minority and I always tell myself that at least I can get thin, but there’s not much hope for them! They’ll most likely be assholes all their lives!

And sometimes you can even get your fat to work for you… I always ask for a complimentary upgrade when I fly. If a flight is full, they have to upgrade some people and if you can convince the clerk at check in that nobody would be comfortable next to you in cattle class, you might just find yourself reclining comfortably over the Atlantic, as happened to me on a flight from Seattle to London once. It’s worth a try, even though 9/10 times the answer would be no. I know it’s not personal and that 1/10 makes it all worthwhile.

So get out there, seize the day and shine! The world is your oyster too!

I’m not going to pretend that I’m ecstatic about these pictures (I’m my own harshest critic after all), but here they are – my official Missouri 60 “Before” pictures. I should be glad that they’re so awful, since there is obviously room for improvement. They just make me wonder what I looked like before things started changing around here…

Nevertheless, they are extremely motivating. I want to look different by the end of August. I’ll show you, but most importantly I’ll show myself!

I know I promised you leotard pics, and we did take them, but I had to go and lie down after seeing them… I care too much for my readers, and for Tony, to ever subject you to them, so they’ve been deleted. So I opted for workout pants and a tight undershirt. I’m usually all about flowing garments…

It’s amazing how quickly some honest photographs can bring you back to earth… I think I’m going to have to do CPR on my endorphins and maybe even zap them with the paddles once or twice! But I’ll be fine!

In other news, Craig is now over the debilitating flu that laid him flat this weekend and it looks as if I’ve avoided it altogether. Thank heavens! I really do not need something to derail me from my fitness track right now…

I have also changed my Homepage, so you can have a look there. The recipe section of the website will be published first, hopefully within the next three weeks or so. It’s a lot of work, but I’m really enjoying it!

It was a week of one NSV after the other, but no actual progress on the scale. Sigh. I feel like shocking the scale with my tazer.

On Friday I took off my engagement ring and locked it in the safe. It’s becoming too loose and I’m afraid to lose it, especially in the pool at gym. I’ll have it re-sized when I reach my harmony weight.

Yesterday I was trying on some camisoles that my mom had made for me. When I took my top off, she gasped, “What happened to your back?” I got quite a fright, thinking that I might have a weeping melanoma or some cat scratches on my back, but no, she told me that all my back fat is gone! Phew! What a relief! She also pointed out a few other areas where she could see changes. Bear in mind, she sees me fairly often, so the changes are all recent.

I knew I wasn’t imagining it! Things are really happening. I’m building some major muscle here.

And let’s face it, the scale can’t stay on 305 indefinitely when I’m getting smaller and smaller. Where would I put all those pounds? Mmm, unless I’m getting taller at the same time…

As you know I’m not counting calories. In fact, I have no clue about calorie counting. I’m eating an abundance of fresh whole foods, mostly plants and often raw. The nutritional density of my food is more important to me than the energy density. I get a lot of nutrition each day, which is why I don’t suffer from cravings. There are no empty calories here!

On Saturday I decided to rate my diet according to the diet industry standards. I logged on to Fitday and entered what I’d had so far for the day – a green smoothie for breakfast and chickpeas and avocado for lunch. I had to be somewhat inventive regarding my barley grass juice, which is the most nutrient-dense and important food I have every day, but the results were nonetheless astounding. Just from breakfast and lunch I had reached and exceeded the RDA for all nutrients except calcium and selenium (since I hadn’t had any nuts yet and my barley grass juice wasn’t included) and Vitamin B12 and Vitamin D, which I manufacture myself so I don’t need to get them from my diet anyway. This includes fiber, protein, fats (and note that I only had healthy fats, no animal fats or trans-fats), three times the required amount of vitamin C and twice the required amount of folic acid. And I got it all from my food, not supplements – I hadn’t even counted the Spirulina that I take daily.

I knew I was eating really healthy, but it’s amazing to see how healthy. Of course half the goodness in fresh foods are not measured by these online tools – the phytochemicals that protect us so powerfully against disease.

I won’t be logging my food on a daily basis, as I don’t find it useful for my way of eating, but I will be using the weight tracking and measurement tracking tools. Yes, I finally took my measurements. And I’ll update them every month.

I’ve started doing some extra swimming after aqua. I only managed six laps this morning, alternating between breast stroke and back stroke, but a lady in my class who used to be a swim coach said that she would help me with my technique on Wednesday. That’s what happens when you say to someone, “Wow, you swim well! Did you use to swim professionally?” Apparently flattery will get you somewhere after all! (It was not meant as flattery though, it was an honest compliment.)

There is no aqua class at my gym on a Tuesday, so I can do one of two things:

1. Attend a class by the same instructor at another branch. This is tempting, because there’s a yoga class shortly afterward and I’ve always wanted to try yoga. The yoga scheduling clashes with aqua at my gym. The only problem is that that aqua class starts at 08h15 and the traffic would be heavy. If I wanted to face rush-hour traffic I’d get a job!

2. Attend a stretch class at my gym at 09h30, followed by intervals on the treadmill.

I think I’m going to go with #2. That way I get to do a bit of cross-training as well. There really is no reason why I have to take both Sundays and Tuesdays off from gym. Last Tuesday I was rather cranky, and I eventually attributed it to the fact that I hadn’t exercised.

That was my week… This coming week I’m hoping to share some thoughts with you about body image and about why I do things the way I do.

If you haven’t read the new About Me and My Story pages, take a look…

How did you do this week?

* Week 25 refers to where we are in the year, not where I am in my journey!

My dad is 71 years old and in excellent health. I hope we will still have him around for many years, as he’s always been my go-to person and my biggest champion.

He always phoned me on the first day at a new job, and when I got my big promotion in 2005, he had a bouquet of flowers delivered to my new office. I remember that it made me cry, realizing how proud he was of me.

My dad has three daughters (one from a previous marriage) and he taught us that we could be anything we wanted to be, despite being girls. It’s a pity that none of us became a doctor, engineer, lawyer, mathematician or writer. He would have liked that.

My dad has one grandson, five granddaughters and two great-granddaughters. His grandchildren range in age from 2 years old to 30 years old.

My dad has been a newspaper reporter, professional soldier, oil company representative, transport consultant, supermarket owner and fundraiser. He is highly intelligent and writes beautifully. When he was 40 he got an MBA and started skydiving. On the eve of my 40th birthday, I take comfort in knowing that my life is far from over.

He doesn’t drink at all. He just never developed a taste for liquor. He used to smoke, but one night in 1979 he was watching a TV program about the effects of cigarette smoke on an unborn baby – every time the mother inhaled, the baby’s heart rate sped up. He put out his cigarette and never smoked again. (Tough act to follow! He could never understand why I couldn’t just do that too…)

Something I always admired about my dad is that he made my sister and I both feel that we were his favorite. I think I still feel that way.

I have provided my dad with many reasons to worry, and even despair, over the last 39 years. From the days where I apparently just would not sleep and he would walk up and down the passage with me in his arms, singing lullabies, through my wild-at-heart twenties, a disastrous first marriage, until today where I weigh over 300 pounds.

I will do what it takes to get back to my normal weight, just so that he can see that I’m fine.

And I really, really want to give him another grandchild.

But today, I will just give him a hug and a packet of biltong. I am so grateful to still have him around.

Of course we’ll make sure to phone this cool dude too! My father-in-law, John, in his Indian outfit at our wedding. Craig’s parents lived in India for a while and they still have all these amazing clothes, which they put on for any special occasion, or just a trip to one of our favorite Indian restaurants. My in-laws are delightfully eccentric and a lot of fun. John used to be in banking and the food industry and sold houses for many years. He also ran a number of marathons and ultra-marathons.

When you see Craig and his dad together, they are like two peas in a pod – they are built the same, walk the same and have the same mannerisms.

Thank you all so much for the lovely comments on my video post. You were most kind. I’ll practice some more before doing another one! I won’t be doing these often though, since uploading them eats into my bandwidth like nobody’s business and my husband is religious about our bandwidth usage!

I’ve been back in the gym for a month now and hardly recognize myself.

My. Body. Is. Changing. Day. By. Day.

Literally in front of my eyes. It’s the most amazing thing. And it’s all due to my aqua class.

Look, it’s no secret that you get a good workout in water. But when you have a trainer that makes sure that every muscle in your body is used intensively and that you’re gasping from exertion at times, the results can be astounding. We are lunging, jumping stretching, squatting, kickboxing, swimming and reaching all the time. The whole body is engaged – there are no arms flapping about without purpose. And of course we use balls the entire time, either in our hands, using the resistance of the water, or between our knees. The emphasis is very much on maintaining proper form at all times, so we get the maximum benefit from every exercise.

Every 45-minute class is a boot camp! I am sore, in various places, every single day. It’s become part of my life. I love it, because I know my body is ALIVE! Muscles are popping up all over the place and I barely recognize certain parts of my body. Sure, there’s still a layer of fat (quite thick in places) over everything, but honestly, I’m blown away by what I see in the mirror.

I am also much more flexible than I used to be, because our exercises are all tailored to increase flexibility and strength. My endurance has improved tenfold. Every class is still hard, but that’s because the classes are supposed to be challenging, not because I’m feeble. Despite still weighing over 300 pounds, I’m in great shape!

Today we were joined in class by five members of some sports team. These guys are in the prime of their (young) lives, fit and buff. And they found the class very challenging! They will no doubt be stiff too!

But you know what the best part of it is? I love every minute! I look forward to going every day… The thought of skipping a class (I do 5 per week) just doesn’t occur to me.

Eating-wise I’m still doing great! Once again, I’m enjoying my food so much… and I’m NEVER hungry.

This is all just as well, because I’m entering Tony’s Missouri 60 challenge. The idea is to have a picture taken of your body by the end of June, work hard and eat well for two months, take another picture on 31 August and see how your body has changed. I’m 100% in! In fact, I’m so in I’m having my picture taken in a leotard. I want every bump to be visible. Because things will look much different after 60 days. Of course I’ll still be fat, but I’m anticipating great changes. The added incentive for me is that my 40th birthday is early in September and I want to be down a few sizes by then. As it is, I’m going to have to delve into my never-never suitcase soon, because I’m sure there are some stuff that I’ll be able to wear.

Who cares that the scale still seems to be stuck? I’m making wonderful progress!