FertilehealthyAiming for success, not perfection…

When I first gained weight in my mid-twenties I was extremely embarrassed by my body. I remember not wanting to leave the house over weekends… I didn’t want to be seen! I just wanted to stay home, chain-smoke and eat fatty foods.

After a while I realized that this was not a good thing. I wasn’t ready to tackle the weight, but I needed to feel better about myself. The alternative, a descent into the dark, bottomless pit of depression, scared me more than cleaning myself up a little and showing a brave face to the world.

It wasn’t always easy. I never liked the fact that people would glance at me, and then look away as if I was invisible. Sometimes people would avoid me in social situations. But the most of the time people accepted and liked me for who I was, not what I looked like. This brought many, many blessings into my life, among them my friend Lizana, my soul sister, my “person” and the light of my life!

It happened like this. At the time I was living in a small studio apartment, so to get out I would frequent the neighborhood pub, where I would sit by the fire and read my book over a few drinks. On one such occasion a boisterous group of people arrived. They were laughing and chatting and when I looked up, I caught the eye of one of the guys. He walked over to me and asked me to join them. I first said no, but a while later I realized that the book wasn’t doing it for me, so I walked on over and became one of the group. We ended up doing a lot of fun things over the weekend and stayed in touch. A few weeks later I met JD the brother of the guy who had originally approached me and we just clicked. We became great friends. One day the two us went on a tour of the Winelands and acting on a random tip, ended up at a small boutique winery, where a girl with the biggest, friendliest smile and bubbliest personality received and served us. We liked her so much, we stayed for lunch! It turned out that my best friend at school had been her best friend at college! JD and I were both smitten… He became her boyfriend and she became the best friend I’ve ever had. Just because I had chosen to get out more!

Don’t let your fat be your jailer. Being a shrinking violet will bring you nowhere.

If you go to a restaurant and they show you to a booth, don’t be embarrassed to ask for another table. Waiters are there to serve you, not judge you, so don’t let this ruin your whole outing. You have nothing to be ashamed of and should not have to put up with discomfort for the duration of your meal. I easily move things around to suit me. Where we lived before there was a hotel where Craig and I used to go for lunch or afternoon tea. The whole experience is about sitting on the patio under the oaks, so when I found that I couldn’t fit into the wrought iron chairs, I got a waiter to bring me another, very comfortable, chair from inside. The next time we went there, he recognized me and knew that he’d get a good tip if he brought me a nice chair again! He was only too happy to help.

At my old gym someone had parked too close to my car one day and I couldn’t get in. I knew that trying from the other side wouldn’t work, so when I spotted a slender guy walking to his car, I stopped him and laughingly asked him if he would mind getting my car out of the parking space, as I couldn’t get in. He laughed too and did it! He wasn’t laughing at me, he was laughing with me! Of course it helps that this happened at gym and that I was obviously sweaty and puffed from working out. I may have been slightly embarrassed if I had been holding a bag of donuts and a milkshake.

When we stop being defensive and show others that we can gracefully accept our physical limitations, they will respond in kind. Of course you get some assholes, but they are the minority and I always tell myself that at least I can get thin, but there’s not much hope for them! They’ll most likely be assholes all their lives!

And sometimes you can even get your fat to work for you… I always ask for a complimentary upgrade when I fly. If a flight is full, they have to upgrade some people and if you can convince the clerk at check in that nobody would be comfortable next to you in cattle class, you might just find yourself reclining comfortably over the Atlantic, as happened to me on a flight from Seattle to London once. It’s worth a try, even though 9/10 times the answer would be no. I know it’s not personal and that 1/10 makes it all worthwhile.

So get out there, seize the day and shine! The world is your oyster too!