FertilehealthyAiming for success, not perfection…

I am trying to catch up with all my blogging friends… You should see my Google Reader!

Have a great weekend!

Thank you so much for all the kind wishes for my birthday! You reminded me again why I love blogging…

I am really much better now, physically and emotionally. In fact, I’m great!

I was sick for four days and, according to my medical encyclopedia, it was my gallbladder acting up. There was no way I was going to see a doctor about that, since I would have just found myself on an operating table after forking out a fortune on tests. I have no intention of losing an organ and I am under no illusions about the dangers of surgery when one is obese. So, in a way, the illness was a blessing, because it’s forced me to watch my diet again. I still can’t face bread, which is a good thing!

As for my blue streak, I can’t maintain a negative attitude for long! The glass is half FULL once again and I feel empowered and ready for the year ahead. There is so much to be excited about in the near future! And a positive attitude will get me to the good stuff much quicker than a morose one. Besides, it’s impossible to practice gratitude when one is fixated on the dark clouds instead of the silver lining…

Bless you all, my Friends in the Computer!

I am now officially almost 40.

Alternatively I can call today my first 39th birthday.

Somehow it doesn’t make me feel any better. Those angry furrows on my forehead and next to my nose on the left side (why can’t I age symmetrically, for Heaven’s sake?) are crying out for… um rat poison. Not that I can afford Botox, but dammit, there is nothing graceful about this erosion that’s taking place on my face. My years of hard living are certainly catching up with me.

But there’s more than that going on. A lot more. By all accounts, at almost 40 I should consider myself a grown-up. But why then can’t I take control of my own life? Is there still hope that I can turn things around and get motivated to look after my health and my body? Why do I feel so powerless and unable to even make an effort?

I’ve been ill these last two days. I can’t eat more than a little bit at a time, or I feel sick and am in terrible pain. Eating gives me gas – I’m burping and farting like a man! It feels as if I’ve had a gastric bypass… My whole body is sore! If this goes on much longer, I may have to see a doctor.

If this is 39, I don’t want to know about 40!

I didn’t blog for two months after a vague excuse of a new business venture. Now I’m back and about to spill the beans on what I’ve been doing in my absence.

NOTHING MUCH!

I didn’t go into business with my hubby. I didn’t go to gym. I didn’t watch my eating. In fact, I barely left the house, except to buy groceries and go to the library. I cut myself off from most of the people, save the closest friends and family, in my life. I hardly ever put on make-up or wore decent clothes. I read on average a book per day. And I smoked cigarettes and drank a gazillion cups of coffee.

I was in a cave…

When we got back from the USA in June, my head was totally in the clouds about our proposed move there (Central Washington, by the way), but I couldn’t talk about it yet, because our paperwork hadn’t been finalized. So if I couldn’t talk about the most important thing in my life, I wasn’t going to talk at all! Besides, we had a lot of things to organize.

We have five properties and a business to sell. If you live on Planet Earth, you’ll know that the world economy is in dire straits at the moment and that the property market has ground to an screeching halt. We’ve sold one property so far… which leaves me with zilch to organize.

Clearly we won’t be in the USA by Thanksgiving, as we so fervently hoped. Bummer!

So, through this all I’ve been smoking and reading. Better than pulling my hair out or repeatedly hitting my head against the wall. Or is it? I’m so bored!

I’ve now stopped smoking again, but am still reading… I still don’t go out much. But at least I’m blogging again. Pretty soon I’ll get back to exercising and eating healthier.

I do have one piece of good news about this time though: I DIDN’T BINGE ONCE!

Somehow, I’ve lost the desire to binge-eat. I still eat too much at times, but I’m not eating mindlessly or stuffing emotions. Strange that.

Anyway, that’s the long and the short of it. In a day or two I’ll tell you where my head is regarding my fertility issues.

Oh, by the way, Craig has now demolished half the carport. He’ll have to do the rest soon, since we have two Show days coming up in September. The weather is still cold and miserable.

This has got to be the coldest Spring Day in my lifetime! It is absolutely freezing! We had major storms over the weekend, even hail, which is unusual for our area.

The wind was so bad it snapped our carport in half. Fortunately no damage to the car, but we can’t get the truck out yet… and our builder is not answering his phone. Craig says he’ll work something out this evening. I hope so, I hate being stuck with no transport (he’s using my car).

In the mean time I’m keeping an eye on Hurricane Gustav… My heart is just sick about the fact that a lot of people may lose everything again, so soon after Katrina. Let’s hope the levees hold! If you’re anywhere near the path of the storm, good luck!