Fertilehealthy

Rupa has awarded me the “You Make My Day” award! Thank you, Rupa! I am very pleased!

I hate having to choose people to pass this on to, because all my readers are special to me. Therefore I’m passing this on to all of you who visit regularly and especially those who comment. Your interest, concern and friendship really do make my day!

I want to especially thank Nicole for the comment she left a few minutes ago. She said:

Your country is making headlines around the world today. I hope you and yours are safe. Big hugs to you. Where would you prefer to emigrate to, if it did come to that?

I am sickened by the reports in the newspapers and on television. I am also very afraid. Not because we are in imminent danger, but because I believe that these attacks are the cause of the frustration that the poor are feeling because the government have not delivered on their promises. I think that the days of stability (despite the high crime rate) may be coming to an end and that the violence may spread to other population groups (remember that the population is made up of various tribes and groups that are historically not the best of friends).

The scenes on CNN this morning reminded me of the State of Emergency in the 1980’s and early 1990’s when the police and armed forces were forced to intervene in tribal fighting in the townships. And while these things are happening in the townships surrounding Johannesburg at the moment, it affects all of us. Already reports are suggesting that the violence will spread to Cape Town. And immigrants don’t only live in townships. In my neighborhood we have many people from all over Africa, who have come here because their own countries were unable to support them.

This does bring the question of emigrating to the forefront again. We’re speaking to people who have moved to Australia and New Zealand at present to find out as much as we can. For us it’s a question of money. We have assets, but in a depressed economy we may not get enough for them to start a new life somewhere else. Craig and I are not in fields that are needed elsewhere, like medicine or teaching - we’re self-employed business owners. We have no close ancestral ties to other countries. Of course we would like to live in the English speaking world (but preferably not the UK). That basically leaves the USA, Canada, Australia and New Zealand. Some are easier to get into than others. We are definitely doing our homework!

Just as immigrants are not welcomed with open arms here, the above countries also have widespread resistance among their own populations to immigration…

Ultimately we may have to go to Botswana, to the northwest of South Africa. Botswana is probably the most stable country in Sub-Saharan Africa, with a strong economy, a less diverse population and a very low tolerance of crime and violence. My friend Charlotte was there recently and she loved it.

This is a huge decision. There are many things to consider. And we are definitely considering.

In the meantime we can only follow the news with horror and concern. And I’ll breathe a lot easier when my husband is home safe, since our business is in a township.

Erin’s postcard has arrived. Can I just come and live here?? Really, I’d be no trouble at all!

In other news, my Monthly Celebration of Womanhood started yesterday. Only, um let me see, 17 days late!

My friend Pippa wrote a really insightful post about our happiness and the people around us. Do check it out!

It seems these posts are generating more questions as we go along. That’s great!

Big Girl asks: In today’s impersonal digital world people often take on personalities so unlike what they are in the real world and mask their true selves. If we met you in person would you be the same upbeat, positive, supportive, sweet person we all love on your blog?

Wow, first of all thank you for calling me all those nice things! I’m tempted to just say “Yes” and leave it at that, but of course there’s more to it.

I have my faults! Gasp! I can be nitpicking, judgemental, self-absorbed, critical and even ruthless. Mostly towards myself, although I don’t suffer fools gladly.

But I’m not generally moody (yesterday was a rare exception). I’m compassionate, nice, polite and loyal. I don’t pick fights and I don’t like pettiness.

I am supportive, but I lose patience after a while with people who moan and wallow. I love to help, but at some point I expect the helpee to start getting a grip and stand up for himself and herself. If that doesn’t happen I will make a swift and permanent exit.

As for upbeat, for me the glass is definitely half full. I really believe in positive thinking and the laws of attraction. I can and have succumbed to periods of depression in the past, but have learned to recognize the signs and can nip it in the bud before I get sucked in.

I laugh a lot, love deeply and enjoy my own company. My friendships are few, but deep and lasting. I don’t do well in large groups or in “social” situations since I’m not good at small talk. My preference is definitely for one-on-one encounters.

So, to answer your question, I don’t think that my blogging persona is much different from my real life one. What you see is pretty much what you get.

Michelle had a few more questions: Who has been your greatest influence in your life?

I have been fortunate to have had some extraordinary people in my life. My friends are awesome and particularly Lizana has been a hugely positive influence. My ex-colleague, Des, also comes to mind.

But the person I want to honor here, because she played such a pivotal role for so many years is Marianna de Bruyn. I first met her when I was in Grade 10. She was my English teacher.

That was a time in my life when my relationship with my mother was very strained and Marianna became a sort of mother figure to me. She was about my mother’s age (her daughter and my sister were friends and classmates).

The bond started because we lived in a very small town where nobody spoke English (making her job very hard!) We both came from other towns and she asked me to help tutor some of my classmates. She was a very talented woman, with great experience and knowledge of theater and drama. I also had drama experience, so we worked together in those extra-curricular activities too.

She was also a gifted writer and encouraged me in my early attempts to write. I was the editor of the school paper for three years and she was the teacher overseeing that project, so we worked closely together there too.

During my last school year, my parents moved away and I stayed behind. She lived in a flat in the school dorm and I pretty much became part of her family. After I left school she even invited me to her wedding.

Life happened and I lost contact with my old town and my schoolmates. And Marianna. Until I ran into her about 9 years ago in a shopping mall. We exchanged numbers. At that time my first marriage was coming to an end. I can’t begin to describe how much she helped and even guided me through that time. I moved back in with my parents, which of course strained the relationship with my mom again, but Marianna was always there to sooth and keep me sane.

A while later she and her husband left for England and worked there for a few years. When they came back, we resumed our friendship. Early in 2005 she started having very traumatic problems in her own life and she turned to me. It was wonderful for me to be able to help and support her after all that she’d done for me in the past.

She suffered a fatal stroke in June of that year.

I miss her every day and am often reminded of the many great life lessons I learned from her. She was so proud of the way I had worked my way up the corporate ladder, but I know she wanted more for me. She wanted to see me write and express myself. She’d have loved this blog! And she would have loved Craig, who I met barely a month after her death.

Perhaps the greatest lesson I learned from this extraordinary, brilliant woman was that we need to do the things that are important to us. She was a great writer and wrote many essays, short stories and plays. But she never had a chance to write the novel that she’d been carrying inside her all those years. She came close towards the end, because what was happening in her life gave her the perfect framework. I believe that we all missed out on something really special.

Whenever I think of Marianna I’m reminded of this quote:

A teacher affects eternity. He can never tell where his influence stops. ~ Henry B. Adams

Who has been your biggest influence?

This is the painting that has recently fetched the highest price for any painting by a living painter. Benefits Supervisor Sleeping by Lucien Freud sold for $33.6 million at Christie’s in New York.

Now, I don’t know much about art and I don’t have that kind of money, but I would NEVER pay money for this painting.

Before you feel obliged to point out the beam in my eye, let me assure you that I’m not offended by the model’s physique. Hell, I look like that myself! I believe that sexy is more about what’s going on from the neck up than the neck down.

But I will say that the artist has depicted this model in a rather unflattering way. And I am offended by the derogatory comments that I’ve read on blogs and newsites. Not about the painting, but about the woman. This insults me personally.

To me, this picture is just ugly. And it brings out ugly in people.

These guys knew how to paint real women!

But then again, what do I know?

Today I’m answering Emil’s question. What is my favorite book of all time?

Sounds reasonably simple. My favorite book is XYZ. The End.

But of course I’m going to make it more complicated and share a few of my favorite books and authors.

Books have always been a big part of my life. Both my parents are avid readers and my sister and I grew up with a love of books. If you want your kids to read (and who doesn’t?), you’ll have to set an example. Whenever I enter a strange house I always feel right at home if there are lots of books. When you love reading you are never bored and you will have great general knowledge.

I read for both knowledge and pleasure and my interests vary quite a bit. I have lots of books on natural health and fertility. I have self-help and motivational books. And of course I treasure my favorite stories.

So, what is my favorite (story) book of all time?

A PRAYER FOR OWEN MEANY - John Irving

This book has it all. It is extremely funny, very poignant, full of symbolism and covers a wide variety of issues about growing up. Owen Meany is the most memorable literary character that I have ever come across. It’s one of those books that you either love or hate. And I love it! I must have read it about 8 times by now and I feel I’ll probably read it again soon.

My second favorite book is also from John Irving. The Cider House Rules was made into a crappy movie starring Charlize Theron and Toby Maguire, but the book is simply wonderful. I’m not so enthusiastic about John Irving’s more recent work, but I’ll never part with these two books.

Tom Clancy is another favorite author, particularly his Jack Ryan novels. They are so well-written and researched and I find myself unable to put one down once I start reading. One day I hope to own them all and read them in sequence.

I love crime thrillers and find Michael Connelly to be a master of this genre.

My favorite spy thriller is Robert Ludlum’s The Bourne Identity. I first read it about 20 years ago and was disappointed that the movie was so different from the book. I recently gave Craig a copy for his birthday and promptly read it myself.

For sheer fun and entertainment (like on a beach vacation) nothing beats Jilly Cooper’s sex-and-high-jinx novels Riders, Polo and the rest of the series. She has a wicked sense of humor and I am always entertained.

I have always had a huge fascination with the Race to the Moon and have read many books about that era. My favorite is Jim Lovell’s Apollo 13.

This list would be incomplete without Milan Kundera’s The Unbearable Lightness of Being. I first read it in French, but loved it in English too.

A lot of the books that I like have been turned into movies but without fail the books are better!

I must admit that I’m not a huge fan of the classics. I read them in school and at university. That was enough for me.
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I would like to mention two non-fiction authors here.

I’ve talked about John Robbins before. Reading his work is like taking the Red Pill (like in The Matrix). Your world will never be the same again. And that’s a good thing!

If you are struggling with infertility, you simply have to read Julia Indichova’s Inconceivable. It’s not a how-to-get-pregnant book. It’s a journey towards yourself and your fertility. Deeply moving and very inspirational. And it may just get you pregnant… (like my friend Terri).

There are so many more, but we’ll leave it at that. My book is calling!

What about you? Have you read any of these? What is your favorite book?