FertilehealthyAiming for success, not perfection…

I can’t believe that we’re one third into 2008 already! Time really waits for no man (or woman). Was this the year that you were going to change your life and your body? How’s that going?

Excess weight is dreams in storage. There’s a myth that we can store up time. Primitive cultures store up for the winter. We store up time in our hips. ~ Paulanne Balch, M.D

Have you ever wondered how you got so fat? I believe it’s because we get so caught up in day to day stuff that we’re always procrastinating our “start”. In the mean time, the pounds pile up and our lives fritter away… and before we know it we’ve been fat for 10 years. Let’s start waking up to the fact that THIS IS IT! This is your life. If you are not happy with the way it’s going, you need to start changing it. If you want to be thinner, DO something. If you are frustrated in your job – CHANGE it. Don’t sit around waiting for “something” to happen. You could still be waiting 10 years from now.

If your ship doesn’t come in, swim out to it. ~ Jonathan Winters

There are those who spend all their time in the past. What was true for them yesterday remains true for them today. It doesn’t have to be that way! You can determine your own truth for today! And that truth is not dependant on how you look, how fat or thin you are, how your parents, the kids at school or your ex treated you or even how you thought about yourself in the past. You CAN start fresh. You can learn to love and respect yourself. And let’s face it, any journey towards a leaner and healthier body has to contain a healthy measure of self-respect and self-nurture.

I really believe that the key to better health and weight loss is an emotional one. Sure, we need to eat healthy and exercise, but if your heart is not in it, you will not maintain your momentum. You WILL sabotage yourself. You WILL undermine your best efforts. You WILL beat yourself up, continue to look for justification for your failures and disappoint yourself and this whole thing will become a desperate, punitive journey – like walking barefoot over broken glass. It’s so unnecessary.

Then of course there are those who are deferring their joy until they reach their destination. They’re missing the point. The journey is not towards a new life. The journey is your life. We only stop journeying at the very end. You deserve the best now!

If you’re not enjoying the journey, then you probably won’t enjoy the destination.” ~ Joe Tye

Don’t throw away your life any longer. If you don’t like your weight, your state of health, your fitness level, DO something. And do it like you mean it!

I’ve been at home for a year now. My main motivation for opting to stay at home was so that I could actively pursue better health, fitness and lose weight. Yes, I’ve learned a lot about myself in that time. I’ve grown as a person. I’ve built a wonderful support system, started a blog, am developing a website. I have rich and rewarding relationships with people all over the world.

But whenever I speak to anybody from my old job, or even my insurance advisor (earlier today) or friends, the first question they ask me is “How much weight have you lost?” They don’t care about the other stuff. They just want to see me and be blown away by the difference.

And yes, I’ve lost 21 kg (46 pounds). But only in the last 90 odd days! Before that zip, nada, niks, f-all! And let’s face it, the difference is not really mind-boggling. You have to look closely to even notice it! For nine months I didn’t earn a cent and showed no results. Through all of this my husband has been patient and supportive…

It’s time to get serious about this. Juice feasting was great! I loved it! I’ll do it again in a heartbeat. Maybe not for so long and definitely not within the next 4-5 months.

But this is where the rubber meets the road! Today is what matters… Today and every day from now on. The time for excuses, justifications, deferments, indulgences and sitting on my fat ass is over. Through juice feasting I have constructed a wonderful foundation on which I can now build the new lifestyle I have been talking about all along.

I am worth the effort! You are too!

I have chosen a theme song for this leg of my journey. Whenever I think of this song, all the passion, the yearning (I can’t put into words what for) and the frustrations of being 18 in an oppressive home in a small desert town floods over me again…

Growin’ up
You don’t see the writin’ on the wall
Passin’ by
Movin’ straight ahead you knew it all
But maybe sometime if you feel the pain
You’ll find you’re all alone
Everything has changed

Play the game
You know you can’t quit until it’s won
Soldier on
Only you can do what must be done
You know in some way
You’re a lot like me
You’re just a prisoner
And you’re tryin’ to break free

CHORUS:

I can see a new horizon
Underneath the blazin’ sky
I’ll be where the eagle’s
Flyin’ higher and higher
Gonna be your man in motion
All I need is a pair of wheels
Take me where my future’s lyin’
St. Elmo’s Fire

Oooh…

Burnin’ up
Don’t know just how far that I can go
(Just how far I go)
Soon be home
Only just a few miles down the road
I can make it
I know I can
You broke the boy in me
But you won’t break the man

(CHORUS)

I can climb the highest mountain
Cross the wildest sea
I can feel St. Elmo’s Fire burnin’ in me
Burnin’ in me

Just once in his life
A man has his time
And my time is now
And I’m comin’ alive

I can hear the music playin’
I can see the banners fly
Feel like you’re back again
And hope ridin’ high
Gonna be your man in motion
All I need is a pair of wheels
Take me where my future’s lyin’
St. Elmo’s Fire

(CHORUS)

I can climb the highest mountain
Cross the wildest sea
I can feel St. Elmo’s Fire burnin’ in me

Burnin’
Burnin’ in me
I can feel it burnin’
Oooh, burnin’ inside of me

For your listening pleasure!

From this day on, I am a woman in motion!

While I was waiting for the song to load, I was browsing through my google reader and came across this very insightful post by Craig Harper. Of course! This is what I’m talking about! Do yourself a favor and read it!

I absolutely adore this video! It shows exactly where “medical science” has gone wrong.

I’d love to hear your opinion!

Hiya!

This is just a quick post, because hubby’s at home and hogging the computer! Today is a holiday. So, in fact, is Thursday and Friday (although he’ll open on Friday). Crazy!

I’ve had a lovely weekend so far. Yesterday was the first birthday of my sister’s youngest, Inge. I took lots of pictures and we had a great time!

This is my sister with her three daughters… Inge has a bandage on her right hand because she burned her hand on a piece of charcoal that fell out of the barbeque last Sunday – big drama! She’ll be fine, though!

Isn’t she a cutie? She really is the apple of my eye! She has my blue eyes, while the other two have their mother’s green eyes.

This morning Craig and I went to Cavendish Square and had some lovely smoothies for breakfast. Then I managed to persuade him that I needed to look for a bag, so we went around the whole mall! That’s unprecedented! But he needs to practice now, because we’ll definitely shop when we’re in America. I’m looking for a rucksack type of handbag for our vacation. Either in denim (I used to have one years ago) or leather. I must have seen a thousand handbags today, but nothing like that! We are going to walk a lot and it would just be less tiring carrying a bag like that than a regular handbag…

Incidentally, I saw a beautiful pair of boots, that’s definitely going on my rewards list! All the more reason to be good to myself, so that I can earn those boots!

Gotta run! Mister is tapping his foot!

In this week’s Fun Photo Challenge Felicia’s asking us to post some baby and toddler pictures of ourselves. Diana, in turn, asked us to post some teenage pictures, so I’m combining the two in one post! I’m lazy that way.

This was taken when I was about 12 and I really believe I had the fattest thighs in the world…

I must have been about 15 or 16 in these pictures. Dear Lord, please forgive us our 80′s fashion transgressions!

These are in the 18-19 year range… When I look at myself here, I just want to travel back in time with some recent pictures and tell my young self that I’m pretty and NOT FAT.

How about you? Show us your childhood pictures!

One of my favorite bloggers, Lyn from Escape from Obesity did this really excellent Q&A post and since then I’ve been seeing it on a lot of blogs. So, here’s my answers to Lyn’s questions:

1. What types of food were you most likely to overeat? Rich, creamy, saucy foods, like lasagne and macaroni and cheese. Also bread and butter. And pizza. I often used to make myself a jug of thick white sauce with cheese and maybe tinned tuna, which I would eat with a spoon. I’m not really a snacker, so things like chips, popcorn, cookies and candy don’t register with me and I’ve never been a fan of fries. But I can overeat on salad or sushi – for me it’s very much about the behavior. I don’t have specific trigger foods – food used to be my trigger.

2. What times of day did you overeat most often? When I was alone. Writing that provided one of those lightbulb moments for me. I’ve always known that I was a sneaky eater, and therefore I didn’t binge in front of other people, but I never really considered that being alone might trigger my bingeing… I’m going to have to think about this! Maybe I’m not such a loner after all!

3. What feelings were you having most often when you overate? Boredom, anger, frustration, loneliness, defiance, fear. I remember once biting into a warm meat pie and thinking “this is pure love”. What bullshit! There’s no love there! That thing was made by a bored, underpaid worker in a factory. This exercise has made me realize that I eat out of anger more than anything else. I’ve been angry for so long – at my parents, the men in my life, my employers, even my wonderful husband. And because I have always been unable to voice my anger, I would direct it towards myself and punish myself. Eating for me is about punishment and rebellion. Deep down I’m still fighting my teenage battles… and of course the person I’m most pissed off with is myself! I need to do some work around this issue…

4. Do you think you have a binge-eating disorder? I know I do! I would buy enough rich food to feed a family of four for a whole day and scarf it all down in one sitting.

5. What circumstances in your life do you believe contributed to your weight gain? I first gained weight when I went to university, like most first year students do. I gained some more when I au paired in France, but the real weight came when I married to husband #1. I gained over 100 pounds in one year. Since my divorce I gained another 50 odd pounds… Reading that has given me another insight. I used to see a therapist who told me that fat people often use their weight as a way to “anchor” themselves. I can now see that my significant weight gains all happened during times of change in my life. Which doesn’t mean that I should avoid change! Oh no, I should learn to deal better with change!

6. Do you “blame” anyone for your weight? I’ve always had this large, willing target for blaming and despising – myself! When I’m really honest with myself, the roots of this thing lie in my relationship with my parents when I grew up. They did the best that they could, but they made some big mistakes with me and it’s always made me feel very bad about myself. Being big is my way of expressing myself, of drawing attention to myself and of making a statement. Once again, I’m learning to express myself differently. Dr. Phil always talks about the pay-offs we get from certain behaviors and I can definitely see that, for me, there are pay-offs attached to being fat.

7. What other behaviors made you overweight? Being lazy and sedentary. Drinking too much. Smoking. Involving food in every social event.

8. Were you active or exercising while you gained weight? I was never exercising, but before my first marriage I used to walk everywhere I wanted to be, since I didn’t have a car. When I got married, we moved to the suburbs, I got a car and never walked anywhere until now…

9. Why did you choose that activity level? I was lazy, I was married to a fat lazy alcoholic and I worked long hours. And I think I didn’t really know how neccessary exercise is for good health.

10. What finally made you want to change? I was starting to develop certain degenerative lifestyle conditions, I was infertile and I was getting older. It was just starting to feel as if I was throwing away my life. I had made an intensive study of health and nutrition over the course of about five years and I knew what I needed to do. My wonderful new husband also provides me with so much support and motivation, that for the first time I believe that I CAN do this. I have discovered my own ability and resolve. And I’ve realized that it doesn’t matter how long this takes me; as long as I keep moving in the right direction I can’t fail!

Wow, I loved doing this! I discovered so many truths while answering these questions. I am really going to work on the anger aspect. And on expressing myself in a healthy way, embracing change and finding ways to reassure myself when I’m alone. This was a very valuable exercise for me!

I hope that you found something of value to yourself in my answers. The beauty of blogging is that we learn so much from one another, and I’m always pleased to see how similiar we often are, even when we come from vastly different backgrounds and countries.